The Best Seven Years of my Life

ML and I are celebrating our 7th wedding anniversary today! I can honestly say that these have been the best seen years of my life. We've been through so much together and have seen each other thru so many highs and lows. Our wedding day was among the happiest days of my life, surrounded by our friends and family, I could have never dreamed of a more beautiful day. 

They say that pictures are worth a thousand words...

Before the ceremony with my Grandpa and Dad.

My sweet sisters. Aren't they adorable!

Our small ocean side ceremony.

Happy! Happy! Happy!

The love of my life.

ML and I seven years later. I'd marry him again in a heartbeat!

Wish us luck as we celebrate today with our embryo transfer. May our next seven years be as full of joy and love as the first seven. 

(Don't forget that every comment during my ivf cycle is an entry into my giveaway! Thank you!)

Women's Health Blog-a-Thon

Two days past retrieval and I am feeling a hundred times better. I haven't taken any pain medicine today and even went on an errand with ML to get cat food. I was feeling a little disconnected yesterday but am back to full positivity today.  

We did our third PIO injection this morning. I lay on my side and try to avoid looking as ML prepares it. I can tell though that he is nervous about it. The actual injection is less painful than the menopur one, but the soreness that shows up later in the day is kind of a bummer. I know have two very sore hips and we are just starting. I tried the heating pad and massage before and after today, we'll see how that works. 

Maybe it is the progesterone working, but my boobs hurt like no ones business. I think my nipps have grown bigger and are so so tender to the touch. I think i might have to look for a new bra that is softer and easier to wear.

ML and I are celebrating our 7th wedding anniversary tomorrow! I couldn't be more in love with this man, and feel lucky beyond belief that he is my partner. We'll be celebrating tomorrow with our embryo transfer :) 

*****

Changing the subject, I worked really hard to support the passage of the Affordable Care Act. I personally experienced discrimination in the insurance market and the more that I learned about how women were left out of the healthcare picture, the harder I worked to support reform. 

Thanks to the Affordable Care Act, women are no longer a pre-existing condition. Women and their families no longer have to worry about being dropped from their health coverage when they need it the most; are able to receive access to health coverage if they have a pre-existing condition; and can receive critical preventive health care services like mammograms and pap smears without a co-pay.  In my case, reform means that I could someday return to my previous career as a self-employed entrepreneur and know that it is possible to get health insurance.  

On March 23 and 24, 2011, the National Women's Law Center and MomsRising are hosting a blog-a-thon to celebrate the first anniversary of the Affordable Care Act. Take part in this event by blogging about why the health care law is important for women and their families, and why we need to keep it strong. 

During the week of March 21 - 25, please email the link to your blog post to Danielle Jackson at djackson@nwlc.org so that they can share it during the blog-a-thon. 

To find out more about how the health care law is already benefiting women and their families, please visit our website. If you have any questions about the blog-a-thon, please contact Danielle Jackson at djackson@nwlc.org.

Ten!

Of the 16 eggs that they retrieved yesterday, 12 were mature, and 10 are fertilized!

It all feels so surreal. Like, is this really happening? It could be the drugs I am taking, but I am actually having a hard time getting my head around it all. I feel like I should be more "in" this experience, but instead I just feel so groggy and almost like I am in a dream or something. There is a strange sense of detachment.

Our transfer is set for 12:15 on Monday. I feel confident that we will have two good little embies to return, and I also have a surreal kind of confidence that they will both grow. Ten is a great number, I know, but it almost feels unnecessary. (which is the strangest thing to say, I know, and not what I expected to feel.)

I have three questions for you wise women:
1) Are they embryos as soon as they fertilize? Do I say we have ten fertilized eggs or ten embryos?

2) I am feeling bad about feeling so bad after this retrieval. How long will it take to feel better? For the pain and discomfort to go away? Is there anything I can do to help recover faster? Is the transfer going to hurt?

3) We did our second PIO injection this morning. The injection itself wasn't bad, but now I have two hips that are so sore. I sleep on my side and the pressure on my hip was not pleasant last night. But now I have two hips that are sore.  What to do?

Our Egg Retrevial

As I write this, ML and I are waiting on the fertilization report for our 12 perfect little eggs that were retrieved yesterday.

We arrived at the surgery center right on time and were led to our room. I changed into the gown and in no time the staff was running all the pre-op procedures. The anesthesiologist came in to meet us. The embryologist came in to say hi. Our RE check in to see how we were doing. Twenty minutes later I gave ML a big kiss and walked back to the retrieval room.

Nervous, yes, I was pretty nervous at this point. The room was full of people, hustling around with their different responsibilities. As the nurse was positioning me on the table, the anesthesiologist was telling me that I'd start to feel like I'd had a few cocktails. Within a minute I was asleep.

They were saying my name and raising the table as I woke up. I was hurting. I grabbed the hand of the dr who was standing closest, needing some comfort in that moment. The nurses had me moved into a wheelchair and back in the first room where ML was waiting. I was in a lot of pain, but also very out of it. Tears streamed down my grimaced face. I held on to ML's hand and curled up into a little ball.

I could hear the nurses talking and they were quick to get some extra pain meeds pushed into my iv. It wasn't until the second or third round of additional pain meds that I could start to relax. ML wiped my tears away and sat close assuring me that I could relax and rest now.

ML woke me up sometime later and gave me a little juice. I was still curled in a ball, fearful that moving would bring the pain back. The nurse gave him all sorts of instructions about our medication protocol for the next few days and post-op instructions. I thought that I was listening, but can't really recall much of what she explained.

We'd brought our Progesterone in Oil with us so that the nurse could show ML how to give me the shots. She did her thing and I said "Wow, I didn't even feel that!" ML looked a little surprised at my announcement, and the other nurse reminded us both that I was on a lot of pain medication at the moment!

We finally made it home, into my pajamas, and onto the couch. ML brought me a heating pad that helped a lot with my comfort level. I drank a little bit of my odwala protein drink. ML got called into work for a couple hours, so we called my mom to come and be with me. I'd also scheduled a masseuse to come to the house. She arrived and got set up. My mom got here and ML left.

The massage was actually the best thing that I could have done. She was so gentle and soothing. Her hands on my skin were just the thing to lower any residual anxiety and bring me back into a balanced state of calm relaxation. I felt so much better after she left.

The rest of the afternoon/evening was spent curled on the couch with my mom and ML, watching season one of Glee, taking my vicoden every 5 hours.

I am feeling a hundred times better today. So long as I don't move :)

Thank you all SO much for your amazing support! I really was out of it yesterday, but my mom told me that my phone beeped all day long with text messages and emails from my this incredible loving community.

(Don't forget that every comment during my ivf cycle is an entry into my giveaway! Thank you!)

The Mompetition

KerriK had a few of these video's posted and I laughed so hard watching them that my puppy came over to see if everything was okay. I so appreciate a good laugh. Enjoy.













You can find these and many more awesome funny videos made by Valerie Stone Hawthorne at her blog http://www.themompetition.com/

(Don't forget that every comment during my ivf cycle is an entry into my giveaway! Thank you!)

ivf cycle day ten

All systems are GO!
Trigger tonight at 10:30pm.
Retrieval on Friday at 10:30am.
Transfer on Monday.

Even with all the reductions in my meds, I am apparently at risk for OHSS so my trigger was switched from Ovidrel to Lupron. I just did some Dr. Google research and am feeling good about this change.

I am feeling a bit uncomfortable, and looking forward to having these eggs retrieved and this pressure relieved.

I had a rough time of it last night. I was so so so tired, even went to bed early, but just couldn't fall asleep. I couldn't get comfortable and my stomach just didn't feel right. I finally got up and made a snack, and read a few blogs. Then I went back to bed, tossed and turned, woke up ML, listened to some music, finally fell asleep only to have a bunch of bizarre anxiety ridden dreams.

Ohhh, my first Resolve support group meeting is tomorrow night. There is another women who I knew already who is coming, and two other women who saw the flyers and plan to attend. I am really looking forward to spending an hour talking with these ladies and feeling so hopeful that this group might actually take off.

Much love and luck to all of my cycle sisters. Reading your posts and knowing that we are all doing this together has given me so much strength. Thank you ALL for being a part of this community!

(Don't forget that every comment during my ivf cycle is an entry into my giveaway! Thank you!)

the monkey man

me and my sisters, many years ago

When we were little there was always a man at the wharf whose monkey would dance around and take coins from people's hands. It was the coolest thing. We would go to the wharf and my dad would give us each a few coins and we would sit at the edge of the rug reach out to offer our coin and the monkey would run around to each of us to take the coin and offer us a dance or a kiss or some other trick as a little sign of appreciation. It really was the coolest thing. Sometime I wonder what happened to the Monkey man and his monkey. 

It's late and I'm tired, but I can't seem to sleep. 

Our cycle day 9 appointment went well this morning. Everything is progressing just as it should. Retrieval is pushed to Friday or Saturday. We joked about having so much leftover medication.

I am starting to feel those ovaries. There is a tenderness and fullness that isn't painful, per se, but out of place and reason to move with caution. I told ML that I will be happy to have the retrieval sooner if it will relieve this pressure. I wondering too if the new med, garirelix, might have brought on some tiredness and a stomach that doesn't feel quite right. Not nauseous, but not quite right. 

I need to make a list of TV shows and movies to watch this weekend and next week if/when I am laid up. It is going to ML's job tomorrow to start collecting me some good viewing material. Happy cheerful stuff. Any suggestions? 

ivf cycle day eight

I love good news. 
We just got back from our CD8 blood draw and ultrasound. I have 20 follicles! Everything looks great for a retrieval on Thursday or Friday of this week. The Dr started me on my first injection of ganirelix to prevent premature ovulation and again reduced my folistem down to 75 units. 


We return tomorrow morning for another blood draw and ultrasound. We'll find out then when the retrieval will be. 


Medications for tonight are:
75 units of Folistem (FSH) 
75 units of Menopur (FSH & LH)
81 mgs of Asprin
16 mgs of Medrol (steroid hormone to assist pre-embryo implantation)
2.5 mgs of Parlodel (I've been taking this for a month now to lower my prolactin)
20 mgs of Lexapro (I've been taking this for a year to keep me sane and functioning!)


I am feeling great. Thanks so much for all of your support! 



(Don't forget that every comment during my ivf cycle is an entry into my giveaway! Thank you!)

ivf cycle day six

So far so good! 


Injections went well last night, except that we realized that the previous night (cd4) we gave me an extra 75 mg of Menopur. Oops. I worried a little, but whats done is done. 


Bestie called this morning and invited me to go on a hike. It was a beautiful day and I'd been wanting to get outside and move around a little. We spent a good portion of the day in the park surrounded by the beautiful oak trees. We had lunch next to the river and I got to give Little One lots of hugs and kisses. The dogs got to run and explore along the trails and all thru the poison oak. It was really perfect.


Then on our way home we stopped to get ice cream. Little One devoured her daddy's espresso cone - yikes!


I want to send a big congratulations out to Julie and Jeff who delivered their baby girl on Friday. 


Medications for tonight are:
150 units of Folistem (FSH) 
75 units of Menopur (FSH & LH)
81 mgs of Asprin
16 mgs of Medrol (steroid hormone to assist pre-embryo implantation)
2.5 mgs of Parlodel (I've been taking this for a month now to lower my prolactin)


(Kanis - All these meds were prescribed by the RE. I'm not sure what the aspirin is for, but I'll ask at my next visit.)



(Don't forget that every comment during my ivf cycle is an entry into my giveaway! Thank you!)

ivf cycle day five

Today was interesting. 


We woke up to news of the devastating earthquakes and tsunami in Japan. Living in earthquake country I can vividly recall the 1989 Loma Prieta quake. It was only a 6.9, but the shaking was intense. There was this gawd-awful sound of 10,000 nails grinding into a chalkboard, then the shaking started. I was just a kid at gymnastics class in an older building. We took shelter under the trampoline until the shaking stopped. I can remember watching the wall of windows in the building pulsate in and out thinking that they would shatter at any moment. My mom stayed calm, but I could sense the seriousness of her spirit. We lost power for 3 days, but nothing at our home was damaged. 


There have been other quakes since then, none as large or devastating. But they are always scary. Not knowing how long the shaking will last, or how far the epicenter might be, or how I will be sure that my family and friends are all okay. Earthquakes are serious business. 


We actually woke up to news of a tsunami watch along the coast. We live one (big) sand dune from the pacific ocean so we payed some attention, but I've studied the tsunami maps for our area and we aren't in a real danger zone. We were much less worried about a tsunami hitting us than we were about the earthquake that caused the waves. We had to switch thru a few networks, but found the news from Japan. My heart goes out to the people who are dealing with this disaster right now. 


We got up and ventured out for my blood check. I still have a gross bruise from my baseline blood draw 3 days ago. The dr used a smaller needle this time and it hurt a lot less than normal. 


As we were paying our bill to leave the Presidents press conference was just starting. ML wanted to watch so we sat in the reception watching the President talk about the disaster in Japan and the cost of gas and other world politics. I watched the tv, but also thought a lot about how lucky we are, to be safe and warm, to be doing this ivf, to know that my support system was waiting for a text update from the visit, to feel like there is hope of sorts. I always enjoy watching our president speak. I know that it is scripted, but there is a confidence that gives me hope. 


We came back home and sat down to order our donor sperm. Alas, the donor that we used for our last IUI was sold out, as was the donor that we'd used for the first IUI. So we had to choose a new donor. It gets harder each time, and this time it felt like there weren't any choices that I could accept. I was starting to feel discouraged and frustrated when ML found a great option for us. He reminded me that this is a false choice, one that is a means to an end. I know that he is right, but it still sucked to call and place the order. 


For whatever reason, maybe because I am feeling hopeful, I wanted to get the full profile info for the donor. So after placing my $640 sperm order I asked the rep if he could send me the full profile information. I was shocked when he said that we would have to purchase it for another $60. Excuse me? I know that this request is not out of line. I just purchased the sperm that may help create my family and you want to charge me another $60 to get a full profile of the donor? It makes me upset just writing this. So I left a message with his manager. 


As soon as I hung up with the cryobank, the IVF nurse called with the results of my estradial blood test. She instructed me to reduce the amount of Folistem/Bravelle from 375 to 150 AND they moved up my next visit from Tuesday to Monday. I guess that means I am responding well to the meds, which is good, right? 


Our medications for tonight will be:
150 units of Bravelle/Folistem (reduced from 375)
75 units of Menopur
81 mgs of Asprin
16 mgs of Medrol


I am still feeling good. Starting to feel a little nervous, but mostly excited. 


(Don't forget that every comment during my ivf cycle is an entry into my giveaway! Thank you!)