Time Waits for No One

I have so much to write about. So many thoughts to get down on paper.

In the meantime, I wanted to share this quote that my therapist gave me yesterday. I've never been the kind of person to let life get in the way of me living it, but this concept is most definitely relevant for me right now.

for a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin 

-- real life.

but there was always some obstacle in the way, 

something to be gotten through first,

some unfinished business, 

time still to be served, 

a debt to be paid.

at last it dawned on me that these obstacles 

were my life.

this perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness.

happiness is the way.

so treasure every moment you have 

and remember that time waits for no one.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

~ souza

One thing that I enjoy so much every single day is the love of my adorable puppy. This picture was taken a few years ago at my favorite beach. She had been playing all day long, swimming, chasing her ball(s), etc. She is the sweetest dog, so loyal and loving. and a big time cuddler. Every morning she waits for ML and I to stir and then she crawls her way up to our pillows so that she can lick us. It is one of the sweetest things to start off every day with. (and totally makes it worthwhile to let such a big dog sleep on our bed!) 

I love seeing pictures of all of your adorable pets, and figured it was about time that I share a picture of our little furbaby. 

Nelson Mandela

A friend gave me a copy today of this 1994 Inaugural Speech from Nelson Mandela. It lifted my spirits and validated my need to make my voice strong on this IF journey. 

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” 

Yesterday afternoon I was hit with a wave of sadness that I haven't felt for a while. I was in the car driving home, maybe it was a song on the radio, maybe it was that I missed him, maybe it was just that I've done so much emotional work these past few weeks that I was tired, and I got sad.  It was that heavy exhaustion, that settle in your stomach on the verge of tears sad. It reminded me of the hopeless sad that I felt for so long after our initial diagnosis, but it was much lighter than that. 

The emotion persisted through the evening and woke up with me this morning. I hate being such a grump at work. Then this afternoon a friend gave me this poem, and the wave almost immediately started to settle. I thought about the people that I work with and how amazing they are. I thought about the people I volunteer with and the way their passion inspires everyone around them. I thought about my bff and the way she embraces motherhood and trusts her instincts to meet the needs of her little one so lovingly. And I thought about you, the way you all share your stories, your truths, so openly. Your presence has done so much to expose my fears, the fears I don't have words for yet and the fears I have words for but am still afraid to talk about. Your honesty has liberated me in so many ways, and I am so grateful to share my honesty with with you now.