I'm exhausted. This morning we took a tour of a Partial Hospitalization Program. It's like intensive outpatient therapy. Then we had lunch and saw the Psychiatrist. I doubled up on the Valium before we left the house, and thank god I did. It was an intense morning. But I did it.
And it looks like I will be starting the program on Monday. They are suggesting 6 days/week, but my god, the thought of three days makes my head spin. We agreed to take it own day at a time. So I will go on Monday and see how it goes.
I just don't understand how it got so bad so quickly. Part of me feels like I should be able to just 'suck it up' and get over myself. But then reality of leaving the house panic sets in, the reality of work stress sets in, the reality of marriage and family responsibility set in, and then it all crumbles.
They said to start a grateful journey, so I'm sending some love out to those of you whose address I have. A little lavendar love from our garden. Hopefully it survives the journey from my heart to yours. (and if I don't have you address but you'd like some love, send me an email at foxypopcorn at gmail.)
Love and hugs to you all, and wish me some bravery and strength on Monday.
1 comment :
Foxy, I am so relieved to read this. I have been worried, way over here in Canada. From that great distance, and only knowing a little bit about your situation, I have to say that Day Treatment or Partial Hospitalization sounds like a REALLY good option given where your being is at currently. And I'm speaking from my personal experience and from my professional standpoint. After being hospitalized for about 6 months, I was in a day treatment program for a few months, and I found it very helpful. It can give the necessary containment to start the healing process because it helps you feel safe. But also, you will be working. That might sound ludicrous given how exhausted you feel, but this is what will help you get out of this very dark hole.
It sounds like a good idea to take it one day at a time. But please, Foxy, keep an open mind about this partial hospitalization. Just go even if it's hard. Surrender the choice of it on Monday. Just go. And keep going.
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