I thought it was just me, but then in group the other day the therapist called 9pm the "witching hour" - the evening time when all the urges and addictions take over and all of the resolve to withhold from those behaviors somehow disappears.
Dammit.
I thought that i was feeling better, but I'm not. I'm losing my shit.
For example, this morning I felt so good I thought, I don't need the valium. Next thing I knew I was in hysterics because Mr Fox left and I didn't get to say goodbye to him. I felt like a 5 year old. Ridiculous.
This past weekend we hear from very close friends who had done a successful IVF cycle earlier this winter that there was no heartbeat at their 7 week ultrasound. I can't stop saying FUCK . I am so god damn Fucking sorry, and SO fucking sad that they are on this hell ride of infertility. I was SO excited for her. and now I feel helpless to do anything as she miscarries her baby. FUCK.
I am trying to use my skills. I had been trying to watch TV while cruising face.book and started to feel bad. So I got my sewing stuff out and am working now on a quilt. I even tried some new yoga poses.
How is it s possible to have a good day, and yet still have everything fall apart at night.
I just don't understand what happened or how to make it better.
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