I am loving pandora radio. Music is so soothing. I'm carrying my ear buds in my purse everywhere. I am also loving a few of the free meditation podcasts. "My Thought Coach", "The Meditation Podcast" and "My Meditation Station are my favorite at the moment. I'd love suggestions for others.
I am slowly realizing that i may not be able to drive this summer, due to my medication. Which means I will have to rely on my husband to drive me to work, and my mom to take little fox to all of his fun summer programs. It is a hard pill to swallow. I need to talk to my therapist about it - al least so that I can feel like we have a plan. Everything feels so much more manageable when we have a plan.
This vacation has been really amazing. But I am going to pay for it next week. I get the feeling that this is the kind of progress where you take three steps forward and four steps back. The next steps come more easily, but still, I am going to rebound from the exhaustion of this excursion.
We gave Mr Fox his dad's ring last Night. It was one of the Surprises that I was able to pull off in coordination with his sister and step mom. It was emotional asking his sister if it would be okay, it was emotional for her to ask this step-mom to send it. and it was emotional having his sister giving it to him last night. I knew that it would be heavy, and it was. But i know that he know how much we went through to get it here and that he loves having this tangible memory of his dad to carry with him.
We have to pack up today. We are going to stay to play at the beach, but i won't have a safe place to retreat to. maybe the car. Maybe we can park in a shady place and I can hide there is need be. I'll also max out my medication again today to help keep the panic away and keep me functioning.
Shit I hate that his is so debilitating, and invisible. But on I go.
Oh yeah, I'm still working on my gratitude journal, so send me an email to foxypopocorn@gmail.com with your email address if you want a postcard from the beautiful central coast paradise that I am visiting. It would give me SO MUCH pleasure to send you a little love.
1 comment :
Sounds like there are some really good things happening on this vacation. And of course, the problems followed you there, but that was to be expected. It sounds like you are doing SO WELL at coping while on this vacation, and that is no small thing. Remember that it's NOT going to feel good for a while, but that it's worth focusing on what you're actually doing to help yourself as opposed to waiting until things feel good. That day will come. But not today. And probably not tomorrow.
You know what they say "if you're going through hell, keep going"
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