As of today, we are officially postterm.
I am still pregnant. Very Very Pregnant.
We had a second modified biophysical profile yesterday that showed a happy baby, so we decided to hang tight for a few more days. We go back in on Christmas at 10pm to be induced.
I had really wanted this delivery to be free from interventions. We chose the home birth route because it felt like a chance to reclaim this experience as our own. ML was going to catch his son or daughter, and announce the gender. I was going to labor in the comfort and safety of my own home, my own shower, my own bed. We would be surrounded by people who I trust implicitly, not having to question their actions or defend our preferences.
I cried as we drove to the hospital for our tests yesterday. I panicked (and refused) when they tried to put a hospital bracelet on me when we checked in. My blood pressure skyrocketed when they laid me down on the table for the ultrasound. I was so scared that they'd say something was wrong and we would have to be admitted.
Intellectually I am beyond grateful for modern medicine, and these tests, and our doctors, and hospitals - but emotionally it all just feels so scary and overwhelming.
Just as there was grief in letting go of the way we would conceive our child, there is grief in letting go of the way that we will birth this child.
There is still time for spontaneous labor and delivery. Please baby.
12 comments :
Aww, I'm sorry:( I really hope you go into labour naturally before tomorrow at 10pm. But either way, the birth of a healthy baby is never a disappointment, and is always a reason to rejoice! (((hugs)))
I am sorry that this part of pregnancy is not going as hoped. Praying that baby decides to come on his/her own - and if not then prayers for a safe delivery regardless and most importantly, a healthy baby and momma!!
Oh Sweetie, I was hoping your next post would be the baby announcement. I completely understand your desire to take the experience back by having a home birth. I went through the same thing when I was told I needed a C-section. I cried. Having had to use ART to conceive I felt it was one more thing being taken away from me. I just wanted one thing about the whole process to be "normal" and "natural." I had to go through a whole process of letting go of expectations and accepting that THIS was my path to motherhood. I will be thinking of you and sending you lots of positive vibes and prayers that you'll be able to have the birth experience that you desire.
I'm so sorry its not working out like you hoped. I hope it ends up working out. Big hugs and good luck!
I just got teary-eyed reading your post. I can hear your fear and frustration. I am so sorry hon - I so hope your baby decides to start coming today or this evening - Christmas would be such an amazing birthday.
On a side note I really hope my induction/birth story didn't scare you. You will NOT be on magnesium which was 99% of the reason that things went south for us.
No matter how your sweet baby gets here he or she will be here soon. I am thinking of you guys and sending you lots of love.
xoxo
Hey, good luck for the induction, I am the same person that left the "anonymous troll comment" that you took offense to. If you read properly you may notice that i left my email- which others from your readership used to ask questions about their birth plans- as stated, i'm not a "troll" leaving comments for the purpose of stirring you up, just a medical professional who was concerned regarding your post-term status.
I understand you must be very anxious- and I'm sorry you thought I was trying to use fear to insinuate things. I'm sure you have the best intentions for your baby and their health. I am stating the facts, and in this field of work we see the statistics too often.
Good luck with your birth and have a fantastic year with your wee one.
-Dee coconutsmuggler@gmail.com
Foxy, I'm hoping Santa drops off some serious contractions for you tonight!
I'm hoping for the best! Merry Christmas!
Praying for you Foxy!
Oh wow. I don't think I've ever heard of a pregnancy lasting this long. However, I did have a parent of a client tell me that she was pregnant for 12 months. :)
I was so hoping for you, sweetie. I know my birth experience got totally buggered, but you still have a chance for minimal intervention...I will be thinking of you. It was difficult for me to let go of the grief of my delivery, but once he was in my arms, very little else mattered in the grand scheme of things. I promise, you will grieve but a little while. I love you. Merry Christmas.
So sorry to read this post right now. Unfortunately things r so out of our control in these cases. My own birth adventure has been harrowing, but trust me when I tell you that staring into the eyes of your baby will heal you a little more each and every time you do it.
My thoughts have been and remain with you, dear friend. I hope that the birth, although perhaps not entirely as you had imagined and hoped for, will bring a magical moment of greeting your son or daughter. Wishing you well as you continue your journey into motherhood.
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