And yet, every morning I wake up ready and excited to birth this child and wait for my body to give me some sign that it might be time. I know that it will happen. I do. I just wish that I could know that it would be soon.
In so many ways I am grateful for this extra time that I get to be pregnant. I am grateful that my baby is growing healthy and strong. I am grateful that my body has held up so well to being pregnant. I am grateful that I was able to take time off from work these past two weeks and that ML has been home to spend that time with me. I am grateful for every single bit of this experience.
Its just that with every day that passes the waiting seems to get harder.
Each day brings us closer to Christmas, which is kind of a bummer of a holiday to have to share with a birthday. We are also going to be hosting Christmas at our house with ML's mom and stepdad arriving on Friday, his sister and her family arriving on Saturday. We'd expected to have a baby that was a couple weeks old... not a day or two old... or possibly even not born yet!
Bestie had to leave town for the holidays and now she won't get to meet the baby until after Christmas. My grandma left on Thursday to go live with my Aunt in another state. I am so sad that she won't get to meet her great-grandbaby.
I also can't ignore the anxiety that is creeping up about the logistics of our birth plans if we don't have the baby before next Friday. Our midwives will allow us to deliver at home up to 43 weeks, but I'm not sure how comfortable I am with going much past 42. Our old OB won't take us back into her practice after 40 weeks, so we are left going to the ER and getting whoever is on-call if we need to be induced.
The midwives suggested that although they normally don't recommend any testing until after 42 weeks, I could always get a biophysical profile done before then if I wanted. Because the midwives don't have hospital privileges they can't order one, so I am going to have to get creative in order to find an OB who will order and perform the test for me. I know that they won't turn me away if I show up in the ER saying that I am 42 weeks pregnant and worried about my baby, but I sure would prefer to avoid the stress of that kind of situation.
I have worked professionally with the head of OB at our local County Hospital, and mentioned to him a few weeks ago that we were doing a homebirth. Most OB's in this community are not midwife friendly, but he seems to be different. He is responsible for making VBAC's available in our County, and his hospital has the lowest rate of c-sections and epidurals around. I am going to send him another email and see if he might be able to order and/or perform the BPP for me next Wednesday (at 41w5d). I am a little worried that it might be crossing some sort of professional boundary, but am not sure what else to do...
I am well informed about my birth options, and confident in my decisions, however I know how sensitive I am to comments that people make and really don't want to subject myself to an exam with an OB who is going to try and convince me otherwise.
At 8 days past our due date I am feeling really good. I've adjusted to the changes that these last few weeks brought on and with a much slower daily pace am doing really well. We go on a small walk everyday. I putz around the house, rest on the couch surfing the web, take a bath, chat on the phone, etc. There is virtually nothing for me to do, nothing for me to think about. I have the perfect amount of energy to do feel great. I'd been feeling very emotional and irritable before leaving work, but now that I have no responsibilities my emotions have been totally manageable. The hormones are at the surface no doubt, considering that I did burst into sobbing tears the other night when a horse died on the random TV show we were watching, and that I get super snappy at the retarded HR lady I had to talk to yesterday regarding the claims for my disability insurance.
Soooo, we wait. a little longer.
and I look at ML and smile.
and he assures me that it is going to happen, that this baby is coming.
7 comments :
Foxy, please try and get a fetal non stress done and/or check your amniotic fluid levels if possible. i had to be induced at 40 w 4 d due to low fluid. good luck, ur little one will be here in no time!
I can imagine that it would feel like this baby is never coming, especially since you knew your EXACT due date from doing fertility treatments, so it wasn't a "guess" based on the size of your baby (I know people whose due dates were moved up by 2 or 3 weeks, which was impossible for them since they either had full on periods AFTER they would have gotten pregnant, or they were on their period when they DID get pregnant. I expect those people to go late, and get annoyed when they complain about it.
I'm sorry your little one is taking so long! I think it's such a shame the midwives don't have hospital privileges where you live! That is really unfortunate. Hopefully it will all work out for you to get the birth you want.
Thinking of you and hoping that your baby decides to make his/her appearance SOON! If it were me I would email that dr - the worst he can say is no, but it can't hurt to try. Good luck!
Wow, I thought for sure this would be the birth announcement! Hurry up little one!!
Hey Foxy,
I'm also still waiting around, wondering if I will be pregnant forever. The worst part is we keep having these false starts. Last night, for example, I was having some strong, steady contractions, and I lost my mucus plug, and then...nothing. Excitement, readiness, packed bags, then I went to sleep, and everything puttered out.
I would recommend acupuncture if you can do it, and maybe a membrane sweep or two (they both helped me make some progress). I went the other day for acupuncture, and it really got things moving for several hours. Apparently, it works best when you do three treatments in a row, but I have to wait till after the weekend for my next appt.
Hope things start happening soon...in the meanwhile, maybe see if your regular physician can write you a prescription for a BPP.
Best,
KerriK
Hang in there, Foxy. Baby will be here soon and we will all celebrate this wonderful news.
love to you, dear woman.
you NEED to get liquors checked!!I am a doctor and I'm workin in Obstetrics at the moment, our protoccol is for induction at term plus 12. At term + 14 the risk of still birth increases significantly. Please don't risk placental insufficiency- I cannot stress enough the need for induction at term + 12, there is a reason your OB doesn't accept after 41 weeks and that is because of the risk of still birth. Also going into a home birth up to 43 weeks??!! Huge risk. At this gestation, fetal distress is a big risk during labour, and fetal surveillance with CTG reduces this markedly. Please, please rethink your options and have regular medical checks and keep an eye on your babys movements during the day.
I can't stress enough how careful you need to be. Please, please consider an induction soon. If you have any questions (and to prove i'm not just stirring) you can email me at coconutsmuggler@gmail.com
Having said all that, I really have my fingers crossed tightly for you.
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