unorganized thoughts

Lets see, I have lots and lots to write about. I have lots and lots that I want to write about so that it is captured, so that I remember it later. Its all unorganized though, and I keep thinking that I'll be able to sort it out and write up some organized posts, but the days keep passing...

Thanksgiving - I've been thinking all along that our baby could come anytime between Thanksgiving and Christmas. And now amazingly we are here, in that window of time where we will finally meet our child. After freaking out last week about not feeling ready, I am feeing better. Maybe not totally ready, but at peace with the timing of things. ML ordered the carseat, I bought the missing diaper wipes, we got the maternity shots, and had the blessing way. There is some stuff to finnish up at work, but honestly I'd be fine leaving it undone, and am really looking forward to not having to go back into the office for a while. (although I will be working thru my due date on Dec 9th, unless the baby comes before then.)

Sleeping - I've been snoring for a while now, but think that it might have turned into sleep apnea. Even when I am on my side it is happening. It is waking ML up at night, and also becoming an impediment to my own sleep. Thanksgiving I tried sleeping on the recliner couch. It was marginally better than the bed, but not by much. The next night I tried sleeping on the other couch, our big L shaped extra wide couch. I was able to get a better night sleep and figured out a way to arrange pillows in our bed so that I can sleep in a semi-reclined position with support on my back making it easier to sleep on my side. We had to push the bed into the corner in order to build my pillow fort, but its working out really well. The only challenge is the climb out of the bed to pee multiple times every night.

Cycle Buddies - As we approach our due date my thoughts are often with Augusta. We cycled together back in the spring, and celebrated our positives together. At her 12 week appointment, just a day before mine, she learned that her baby's heart had stopped beating. She and her husband were devastated and I was shaken to the core. Not that any of this makes sense, but I still can't get my hear around how so much loss and sadness is possible can be dumped onto a single wonderful human being.  I also struggle with knowing what to do or not do, to say or not say, wanting to continue loving and supporting this dear woman as her journey continues,  yet realizing how hard it might be for her as this due date of her much loved child approaches. I wonder how to communicate via the internet when sometimes there just aren't words.

Azoo Buddies - Julie, Laura, Alison, and Genevieve - I will never be able to thank you girls enough for sharing your stories so honestly. You've given me so much strength. The love and admiration that you have for your husbands, for your beautiful babies, The compassion that you have for others who are on the same path as us, my heart simply overflows with gratitude.

The Class of 2030 - If things had worked out differently, ML and I would be preparing to celebrate the fourth birthday of our first child later this winter. We would have been ahead of the curve when it came to starting our family in comparison to our friends. Interestingly many of our friends waited until their early 30's to build their families, and as it turns out our timing with this baby couldn't be more spot on.

The evening of our blessingway, ML got a call from his best friend Mr Traveler announcing that Mrs. Traveler is pregnant! They'd been trying for some time, but she's watched so many friends struggle (and a handful give up) with fertility treatments that she wasn't sure that it was a path they'd choose.  I couldn't be more excited that we will get to experience this parenthood thing with this awesome couple. I am especially thrilled that ML and Mr T will have each other for support!

As they talked, they realized that there are a whole lot of our friends (including a bunch of the guys from ML's fraternity) who are expecting babies for the class of 2030. A decent handful of us are all on #1, with a few on #2, and a few more who just announced that they are expecting #3. Not only am I really excited that we will have so much good company, but I am also so relieved that we've been pregnant as all of these pregnancy announcements hit.

My Blessingway - Bestie and my mom hosted the sweetest blessingway for me last weekend. It was small and simple, but perfect and just what I wanted and needed. We sang a few songs, the ladies who'd gathered shared some poems, stories, and other words of encouragement. I sat with my feet in a delicious footbath and got hand and foot massages. We blessed our home. Then we painted my belly. It was so nice. Then we invited the boys to come over for dinner. ML emerged from the bedroom where he'd been in hiding and was showered with gifts of daddy books. I'd wanted to find a way to include him in the celebrations and this was just perfect. Watching him open these sweet gifts and seeing the smile on his face nearly made me cry. I love him so much.

Group B Strep - Among the things I was worried about last week was the Group B Strep test. The midwives offered me the test if I wanted it, but explained that most of their clients declined the test since there wasn't a good way to treat it at a homebirth. They suggested I read up on it and let them know what we'd like to do. I read up, and there was no way that I wasn't going to treat it if it was positive. We've been in the less than 1% category too many times for me to think that it wouldn't apply to us, and the 1 in 200 odds of a sick baby if I was GBS + and didn't get the IV antibiotics simply wasn't a risk I was willing to take. I let them know, and they started looking into our options in case the test came back positive. I decided not to worry too much until we got the results which it turns out are negative.

HomeBirth - Things are coming together nicely. I am feeling so good about our choice. I love my home, I love my bed, my shower, my puppy. I love it here. I feel so safe here. I won't argue for a second if we need to transfer to the hospital, but I do feel really good about our choice to stay at home so long as everything is safe and normal.

Just in Case BirthPlan - In the event that we need to transfer to the hospital or have a c-section I need to know that we were prepared, that my people were prepared to advocate for what I wanted. It isn't ideal because we won't have the opportunity to review our plan in advance with the on-call OB, but certainly better than nothing. My biggest fear is of being left alone, at any time, for any reason, while in the hospital. I think ML knew this, and I think that I impressed this onto the midwives so that it won't be an issue. I do worry though that hospital policy might not be so accommodating.

Work - I reduced my hours to 32 per week. I really wish that I could call it quits though, and just take it easy putzing around the house, getting my christmas shopping done, taking three baths a day, writing my thank you notes, and generally letting my mind be as unengaged as it wants.

Maternity Pictures - After my breakdown last Saturday, we got our maternity shots taken on Sunday morning. I felt great, and can't wait to see the pictures. Oh my gosh I can't wait.

Anticipation - We've officially entered the "It could be anytime" phase. There is most definitely an anticipation in the air at the Foxy Home.