Happier

I am happier than I've been in a long time.

Busier, Tireder, but also so much happier.

This week has been slightly insane...

On Monday morning ML took the puppy and headed to Vegas to spend some time with his dad. I think I wrote about our emergency trip to Vegas earlier this summer. That was just the beginning. His dad has been in and out of the ICU since then. Congestive heart failure doesn't get better, it only gets worse. We are hoping for as much time as we can get, but the reality that life is fragile is becoming very clear. His dad has been depressed realizing that he might not regain the quality of life that he had. Thoughtful ML knew that our puppy would be the best chance to cheer his dad up, so he packed the car and headed off.

I miss him like crazy, but am so grateful that he can spend this time with his dad.

On Monday night I got a call from Bestie that her fever had returned. She'd called her OB and was on orders to head to the ER. She'd been sick for weeks after giving birth, but got better after they discovered that she had an atypical uterine infection. The fever was back. I left work and headed to her house. I convinced her to let me keep Little One, since the ER is no place for a two year old to hang out.  I debated sleeping at her house, but ended up heading back to my place so that I could keep an eye on HBear. I curled up with Little One, sang a few songs, and she was sound asleep. It was the sweetest thing to sleep with this precious little girl, although every time she moved I woke a little.

At 6am on Tuesday morning, HBear came flying into my room yelling for me to get up fast, there was a fire in the kitchen.

microwave innards

In my sleepy stupor I jumped out of bed, ran to the kitchen, and discovered that the microwave was on fire. Not something IN the microwave on fire... The Microwave itself was on fire! There were flames! I grabbed the fire extinguisher and quickly covered the kitchen in white chemicals.

HBear was extremely distressed, I was just tired and confused. The cause of the fire was the insulated metal coffee mug that she had put into the microwave. I don't remember when exactly I learned that metal can't go in the microwave, but I can assure you that I knew at age 17 that metal in a microwave will cause sparks and a fire. I made sure that the fire was out and went back to bed. Little One slept through the whole thing. Thank god that I decided to stay at my place.

Bestie ended up being admitted to the hospital for IV antibiotics, and in order for her baby who she is breastfeeding to stay with her she had to have another adult, her husband, with her to care for the baby.

Little One and I spent the morning together, then at lunch I passed her off to her babysitter and headed home to sleep. I was exhausted. I had meetings in the evening, then picked Little One up on my way home at 9pm. We enjoyed another sweet cuddly night together.

On Wednesday, I went to HBear's Back to School night. Honestly I was nervous to go without ML so I invited my mom to come with us. There were only 5 families who showed up, which was sad really, but meant that we got to talk one on one with each of her teachers. She is at a continuation high school which is so different than my experience in school. It was a hard night for HBear and she actually broke down in tears at one point. At the same time that she desperately wants attention I think that our focus on her is also overwhelming. We made it clear to her teachers that we are committed to supporting her and expect their support as well. I can only guess that the teachers are going to give a little extra to the students who they know have support at home.

Earlier on Wednesday I took HBear to an interview for a job working at a local afterschool program. I'd actually arranged it all before she arrived here, but all she knew was that they offered her a job on the spot. I think she felt really good about it. And I feel really good knowing that she'll be busy and productive between the time school gets out and I get off work.

Tonight was hectic, getting off work, eating dinner, and rushing to my Resolve meeting in time. No one came which is disappointing and makes me wonder what it would take to get people to come. But it was okay because I would have had to leave early to get HBear to the church youth group that I insisted she try at least once. We told her that it is important to have multiple social circles, school being one, work being another, friends being another, and a community-based group as another. I tried to explain that these are what makes people balanced and complete. In her pervious life she only had school and friends, so I can understand why the concept is hard to grasp.

But I look at my life and realize how rich and full it is. ML I have many different circles of friends, interesting work colleagues, are involved in a multitude of volunteer community efforts, and manage to value our family above all else. I feel so blessed and lucky. and happy.

It feels so good to focus on something other than myself. To feel like I am contributing to a greater good. To have a purpose for each day. It feels awesome to look down at my growing stomach and feel something moving around inside. To know that my dreams are really going to come true. That the time  for intense pain and grief has passed. It fills my heart with love and joy to watch ML and HBear interact with one another and to imagine him parenting our child with the same tenderness and patience.

Life is good. and I am happier than I've been in a long time.