"Foxy … You’ve really been on my mind the last couple of weeks, really ever since you told me about your long awaited success in becoming pregnant. I could see in your eyes when you shared your news with me just how joyfully anticipated this baby is for you. I hope with all my heart that your pregnancy proceeds without complication and that you bring a healthy happy baby into the world. What a wonderful thing for a child, before it is even born, to be so anticipated, wanted and loved. Please continue to take good care of yourself … you’re looking amazing!"
I don't know this woman particularly well, but I do know that she had had some medical struggles of her own in recent years. I don't know anything about her personal life, if she is married, has kids, or what. I would guess that she is in her early thirties though and wonder if there is a reason why my news has touched her. I know that I need to reply, but I don't have any idea what to say...
Interestingly, I'd asked her boss about his kids - the ones I see in picture frames in his office - sometime last year. He explained that those were his niece and nephew, that he and his wife were not able to have kids. He continued, unprompted by me, to share that they had looked into donor sperm, but never made the decision to proceed, and finally too much time had passed, and it was too late. He was so calm and confident in his explanation, clearly grieving the fact that they had never had kids yet acknowledging that there were options they could have pursued. I listened, but didn't/couldn't reveal our struggle.
He was one of the first people at work who I told about our pregnancy. I did it over the phone because I was afraid that I'd cry. I told him we'd had a long journey to achieve this pregnancy, and that our earlier conversation meant more to me than he could have ever imagined. My voice cracked as I thanked him. He seemed caught off guard, and sincerely touched.
There has been some internet discussion lately about our need to start talking about infertility more. I find it so ironic that it has only been since we achieved this pregnancy that I have been comfortable revealing our struggle more openly.
PS - ML is still in Vegas with his dad. I flew home on Monday night. After a rocky weekend in the ICU his dad was released to go home Monday night and is doing exceptionally well. The man is amazing.
5 comments :
Oh I'm glad he got to go home!!
And I LOVE when people understand (or at least try to understand) the struggle of IF!)
It sounds like you have some really thoughtful people in your workplace who can really understand infertility (through personal experience). I am so sad to hear his story about how they weren't able to have kids. I admit I fear that maybe us someday, filled with regret. I think it is really hard to talk about it while you are in it. When you are through it, sometimes it's hard to look back and you'd rather forget. I don't blame anyone who prefers not to talk about it, esp. after they've gone through it and had a family. It's hard to talk about it, esp. with fertiles who for the most part don't understand and can make you regret revealing something so personal.
The recent Wall Street Journal story: “My Fertility Crisis” by Holly Finn (excerpted from The Baby Chase) focuses on this heavily and encourages people to tell in order to raise awareness. Whenever it brings people comfort and connection I agree, telling is one of the best things you can do.
Stay awesome, Foxy!
a lovely moment of authenticity.
What a wonderful email. Congrats on your pregnancy!! I'm the same way about our infertility. It's only just recently (and my kids are two now) that i've become even more open sharing our struggle. I sometimes still hold back because of the donor aspect of the whole thing but I've found that our IF journey has so impacted my life that it's simply become a part of who I am.
It is pretty amazing what little know about each other's lives. We walk along people and assume "oh he/she must have a great life" only to find out they've had their own struggles (like the boss). That co-worker's email is really nice and I guess it's an opportunity to get to know her better. Maybe she's going through something and needs someone to talk to.
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