We've started getting gifts of baby clothes and things, which is really sweet, but hard to accept. and hard to know what to do with when we bring them home. The garage is full of hand me downs from my wonderful sister in law. ML is missing his garage space and suggested bringing the big items inside to their permanent home, but I couldn't respond. It just feels too early. Do you think we can wait until after the baby is here to set things up?
Talking to Bestie the other day about some of the garage stuff, it occurred to both of us that my experience of this pregnancy is oh so different from hers. She asked if I was talking to the baby yet... what? um, no, i can't say that the thought has occurred to me. She asked if I was feeling more secure now that i'm into my second trimester... what? maybe, a little, but um no, the caution is still here with full force. She asked when I thought it would be okay to move the baby stuff inside... and I don't have an answer. It was actually a very sad conversation.
Melissa G at Banking on It had a great post that nearly made me cry because so much of what she said resonated with me.
None of this is to say that I am not enjoying this experience, because I am. But in a way that is just so different from what I expected. I am feeling pretty good these days. Building my new wardrobe of cute maternity clothing. Thinking about starting my christmas shopping now so that we are ready before the little one arrives. Strutting my little bump into pilates this past Saturday. Its awesome, really. The gratitude that I feel is simply overwhelming.
I am taking it all one day at a time. Accept that how is feel is how I feel.
15 comments :
Sorry ur having an "off" day. But from what I've heard from pregnant women, it's perfectly normal. I'm sure it'll hit you sooner than later and you're goin to wake up one morning feeling soooooo excited and jumping for joy. I don't know how it feels but I'm pretty sure I'll be like u if it ever happens to me. Like "is this really happening to me? Or am I dreaming?"--- hang in there dear ..
Big hugs to you and I hope you have a peaceful night.
Cute maternity clothes?? How exciting!!!! =)
I can comment again!!
First off, I know where you're coming from. Pregnancy brought so many mixed emotions. Wish I had some words of wisdom for you.
Second, I had a hard time talking to the baby, but I did write her letters, probably starting about 6 weeks or so. Hopefully someday she'll like reading them.
Third, I am going to the post office tomorrow to mail you maternity clothes (I know, it only took me 3 months.) and a present for baby Foxy. And I totally don't mind if it stays in the garage. I remember how freaked I was when I started putting actual baby stuff in the actual baby room!
Hi. Visiting from ICLW #118. Congrats! Move the stuff inside when you're ready. Talk to the baby when it feels right to you. Enjoy every minute, even if you're doing it in a guarded cautious way. Good Luck.
Tracey
I had managed two successful pregnancies before I went through my battle with secondary infertility which included enough losses to be scary. And, even with those two successful pregnancies under my belt, I didn't get my 3rd child's room set up until very late in the third trimester. I just couldn't.
ICLW #10
It is such a hard transition, isn't it? I'm glad you wrote this post.
I'm sorry that the way you conceived is weighing heavily on your mind. I don't know what to say except what went through my mind when we were considering DS - the child you end up with will exist in this world because of you and your DH coming together and wanting to share your life with a child.
I'm glad your bump is cute! I'm so ready for a cute bump - right now I have super bloated/I ate too many brownies look :)
I think you have to wait until you're ready to set up the baby's room and start talking to him/her in earnest... I totally understand that it takes a long time to absorb this wonderful news after going through so much :)
ICLW #103
I can really identify with what you are saying. For me, there was very little connection between the pregnancy and the reality of a new child until I felt my little girl actually start to move. And not just the occasional wiggle, either. It was the full kicks and rolls that really helped me connect to her, and those don't start until a bit later.
It feels very unreal, especially if you have been trying for so long. There's nothing wrong with you. I would give one small piece of advice...ask your doctor or midwife for a referral to a women's health clinic that deals with post-partum depression. It may be something you have to deal with down the road.
I am in my 3rd trimester now and still don't have a place to put our little one. Most people have the nursery done (or mostly done) by 30 weeks...that's only 2 weeks away for me, and the nursery isn't even started yet.
You're not alone! Not at all.
Throughout my pregnancy I also had a few doubts about whether we had really chosen the best path in order to conceive. So I get that part of it. Once your baby is here that really won't matter anymore. You'll realize that was the baby you were supposed to have, no matter how you got him/her!
The rest of it... I hope it will come in time. While I didn't have that experience when I was pregnant (I was super nervous about miscarriage, but also insanely excited and wanted everything ready and set up waaay early), I do know that for infertiles, it is fairly normal. You will find your own pregnancy/parenthood groove. It sounds like you already are:)
i don't see any reason why you have to set it all up now. if you're more comfortable waiting, i say wait. the baby will most likely be in a bassinet in your room for the first little while, anyway, so that gives you plenty of time. that's great that so many people are already buying the little one presents. yay for presents! ;)
I think I too would be cautious for a very long time. Take it in your own time, whenever you are ready for each step.
I have a similar post in the works - especially as the point where I decided I would tell people IRL about the pregnancy. I am terrified of this. I have also been struggling with the use of donor eggs (not sperm, but the same struggle I would think). It is so hard. I can't talk to baby yet either, not sure I will get there any time soon. The baby stuff we have is also still in the garage - on the top shelf, out of reach, out of sight. I am sure that as time goes on things will get better and we just have to do everything when we are ready to - whether that is right away or 6 months (or more?) from now!
I felt this way too. The first item we bought for the baby, very cautiously, was when I was about 18 weeks along. Other than that we waited until I was about 30 weeks along to get anything else. It was so hard because you didn't know how to feel. What an amazing experience though. Hang in there!
I think going through all the TTC leads to a bit of caution that makes it hard to accept you really are pregnant -- I TOTALLY get that. Follow your heart, Foxy... listen hard. If and when you are ready, let it in... you really ARE PREGNANT. Enjoy this time, be in it as much as you can, as you don't know if you'll have it again. And I think it's also so very normal to question things.. but it's all good. I suffered from a lot of disbelief when I was pregnant, and it was hard to relax and be in it. Had I known that would be my only time, and too short-lived, I would have savored it more. hugs,
I totally get wanting to be cautious. You've gone through so much. I think pregnancy is a time for a lot of doubts and what if's. I love that you are strutting your bump. I am hoping the best for you!
I like that you are thinking of taking each step in its own time. Bestie's experience of becoming a mom was very different than yours because she (by the sounds of it) didn't have to climb mountains through apocalyptic storms to get there. But you did. Don't you think it's normal then that you would feel waaaaayyy more cautious about this pregnancy than she felt?
As your bump grows, it will just naturally become the new reality. You are pregnant and soon will have a baby. Nothing like reality to make things real.
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