It was a really beautiful event, and we took a ton of pictures, as we always do, lined up by age with my sisters and I in the back with the younger sisters in the front. We have that same lineup at various events ranging back to the days when my sisters and I were holding the little girls as babies.
My littlest sister just posted a batch of photos on her Facebook page.
Oh Jeez.
I look awful. My face is all round. My sweater, the new sweater I was so excited about ordering, looks gigantic, with my breasts and tummy bulging. There is one picture that I just want to delete. Its just terrible. and there is a comment under it from a friend of my mom's. It just says "Foxy....?"
Why would I be so upset that I might be looking pregnant? I mean, I am. right?
Why would I be so offended by a comment like that? I immediately went to that place of, how dare she assume anything, she doesn't know what we've been thru, what if I wasn't pregnant, this is none of her business. So defensive. Yet I know that this lady is super sweet and kind and would never cause harm intentionally.
Maybe I've gotten so used to carrying around the invisible cloak of infertility, that it is hard to adjust to having my body reveal this sign of fertility.
I guess that my reaction to this picture goes beyond a body image issue, and touches also on my perception of self, and the way that other people 'know' me.
Until now, I've had the ability to reveal our pregnancy on my terms, telling people in the way that felt right to me, and most often including a statement about the journey that we took to get here. Just about everyone who I've shared our news with also knows how long and painful our path was. I guess it was inevitable that I would lose that kind of control over our message.
I do love my body. I love my growing breasts, and checking out my bulging belly from every different angle. I'm just surprised, I guess, at how 'our' news is going to quickly become not so private. I'm also surprised at how challenging it is going to be that cute pregnant lady that I always dreamt of being.
12 comments :
I felt like that at the beginning too. I really did. I had body issues at the beginning of being pregnant, which shocked me because all I ever wanted was to be pregnant. But I showed so early, before I was supposed to let anyone know I was pregnant. So I felt fat.
Anyway, I didn't think I would end up being a cute pregnant person, but I totally was. LOL, I know that sounds like I was tooting my own horn. But once your belly gets even bigger, it dwarfs everything else. Your face will probably look smaller than you think it looks now. I got a new haircut when I was pregnant and made sure I always did my hair nicely to balance out any round cheeks. But I did end up really slowing down in the weight gain department and I was allllll belly (16lbs of weight gain directly in my abdomen).
So there is still hope;) Besides, a pregnant women is always beautiful:)
I concur.. a pregnant woman is beeeeautiful! =)
I understand. You'll be relieved when you get to the point of what I fondly call "your pregnancy catches up with your fat." ha. It'll catch up soon and you'll be able to allow that "glow" to show through. You've been through A LOT, hang in there!
We're at the same place so I can surely relate... I keep waiting on the "glow!" I did get a haircut today and that's made me feel better. I guess we're at a stage where it's not quite an obvious cute preggo belly yet. But I'm enjoying all the changes along the way too. Bigger and better things to come?!? :]
The in between stage is tough as it's not clear. Hopefully everything will feel a bit more balanced soon. Many of my friends (esp. ones that had the most insecurities about body issues) actually felt more confident when they were pregnant. Pregnancy is beautiful, but it sounds like it might just take a little more time before you are at that stage.
(I've never had a pregnant looking belly so I think it is totally amazing!)
Pregnancy is such a challenge... and I had to let go of my hopes of being that glowing pregnant lady too. But pregnancy is beautiful and magical... not matter how you look. Love to you always xoxo
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I have always thought that a pregnant women is beautiful. It doesn't show how it can be from the outside. The story to get there, the journey behind it. I guess for people with no experience it's hard to understand it. It's not on their radar at all.
sweet girl, you are a GORGEOUS PREGNANT girl!!!! I know it's hard to look at your body in a totally different light, but that's the MIRACLE of that baby you are carrying. :)
Love you girl!
Jeez you and I seem to be on very similar wave lengths... I am really struggling with what my body is doing right now. I just feel fat, and I've been quietly pouting about it for a few weeks now.
Though I'm sorry you're in the same boat, it's nice to hear that I'm not alone in this very unexpected challenge.
I'm having similar issues. Sorry girl. You are beautiful and your body is just responding to the wonderful life you are growing!! (I keep telling myself this too :)
xoxo
I think we all have a hard time with pics of ourselves, especially in your situation.
Its hard because you're having a hard time sharing in your acceptance of that which you never thought possible!
Congrats!
iclw 69
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