ML took the call confirming that we were in fact pregnant on Friday but didn't know to ask about the beta numbers. Our RE waits until after the second beta to give you any info, so I knew at least that we had two positive tests, and that the number had at least doubled.
Today when we were there, I was able to ask about the earlier beta's.
at 9dp3dt our beta was 7.6.
at 11dp3dt our beta was 30.5 (doubling time of 24.56 hrs from the previous test)
I've spent my fair share of time on BetaBase to know that these betas are on the low side. As soon as we got home I got online and confirmed my instinct. However, as long as they keep doubling we are looking good, so I remain cautiously optimistic.
We just got the call to let us know the results of beta #3
at 13dp3dt our beta is 105 (with a doubling time of 27.27 hrs from the previous test)
We have a 4th beta on Tuesday, so there is a little more reassurance coming our way soon enough!
I am so glad now that I didn't poas before my first betas, since these early levels would not have registered and I would have been needlessly disappointed. I have never seen a positive pee stick, and just might have to take one now, just for fun.
* * * * *
This still feels very surreal. I think that there was a part of me that believed we would never experience pregnancy. and maybe a part of me that seriously wondered if we would ever have children no mater how hard we tried by any means. The self-preservation that led to those beliefs in the first place is fighting hard now to protect me now.
I want to be careful how I say this, but the reality of knowing that this child was created with the assistance of a donor is something that is weighing heavy on our hearts at the moment. There is an element of grief that has risen to the surface, which I think is healthy and necessary.
Don't get me wrong, we are happy, but not in the ecstatic overjoyed dancing in the streets way that I expected.
31 comments :
Ok, I am just going to send you an email...too much to put here.
BUT.....
Go POAS. Such as a digital one that says PREGNANT!! And then take a picture. I did! Wanted to see it at least once :-)
My clinic tests betas on 16dpER so your third beta with your clinic would be your first beta with mine. I'm not sure what is standard for testing.
I POAS the day of ER just to see what a positive test would look like.
Thinking of you! xoxo
Well they are certainly more than doubling each time so far so that's the most important thing. In fact I'm not sure I have read of betas 'going up' so quickly...even if the base number is slightly lower than average. The 4th beta should tell you more. Hang in there...I think IVF can really mess up betas..with some embryos implanting earlier and some later.
Grieving the donor portion now makes sense. It is more real, especially to your husband. It would be odd if he didn't grieve it. Give it time.
Love you~xoxo
Your betas are doubling and that is a good thing!! I have two friends right now that are pregnant and they both had very low betas in the beginning - one that wasn't doubling, so I think you are sitting pretty.
As far as grieving the donor and mourning the loss of getting pregnant naturally, I think you are justified and I totally get it. I feel that it's just another layer of the reality of ART - a reality that unless you are in it, you really don't get it.
Hang in there and like Genevieve said.... TAKE A DIGITAL hpt and TAKE A PICTURE!!...oh and don't forget to share - I don't know what a positive pee stick looks like :(
Doubling betas are great news... even if they are low, as long as they're doubling :)) Sorry that you feel as though your grieving at the same time as your good news... this ART journey is so difficult and full of unexpected emotion. Look after yourself and get plenty of rest - you've been through so much and deserve all the joy in the world xoxo
I don't know the first thing about betas, so I can't help there. But I'll keep you in my thoughts and hope that this next one gives you the reassurance you need. :)
As for the grief, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. You lost something that many take for granted, and it's okay to feel mixed about the situation. I know that once this baby is in your arms, you and your DH will love him/her no matter what the circumstance behind the conception was.
Lots of hugs to you!!
Don't worry too much about the betas. My first one was low too, and I spent the weekend needlessly freaking out.
You know you're welcome to drop by or email me if you want to. I fully understand the mixed feelings that come with using DS. I probably can't offer advice, but I can certainly listen. :)
Julie just told me CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so excited for you.
much luck and love to you. I am sure you have already heard the countless low beta happy ending stories. Great news with the doubling time though. Hang in there and congrats to you....
Doubling betas are doubling betas! Hang in there- I can only imagine how anxious you are. And I never thought about grieving this at the same time, but it does make sense. Take time for you as a couple to really let this sink in- and I totally agree with Kakunaa- POAS and take a picture! You so deserve a BFP picture! Hugs!
I totally agree that you should POAS!! But I'm going to guess that you have by now ;)
I am no expert on betas, but to me they sound good! I am glad you will get a 4th one for reassurance. :)
I totally can understand your feelings. Sometimes I think about those feelings that we might have when it finally works, and I feel guilty. But it's nice to know that it's normal.
Doubling is good! And FWIW my first beta with the PG that became my son was 123 14dp3dt (why, yes, I *do* still remember that, nearly 5 years later, thankyouverymuch) and that went on to become a pleasantly boringly uneventful pregnancy that lasted 9 (+!) months and resulted in a healthy (knock on wood for sure, but 4 years in and counting...) baby boy. I hope yours will, too, and that you will, as I do, look back on those early days of worry about the low beta with as much fondness as respect for the hopes they contained, if that makes sense.
((HUG))
Your betas are beautiful even if low and they are indeed doubling incredibly fast. A word of caution, it is normal for them to start doubling slower the higher they get, so don't worry if the doubling time is down, anything less than 48hours is VERY good!
As for the grief, I think it is very normal and probably a good sign that you are facing that greif early, so you and Hubby can come to terms with it. Sending you both huge hugs and strength.
Congrats! My beta's started out at 13 at 10dp3dt, they doubled every 44 hours and I am now 11 weeks along and have had 2 scans already - all is fine with the baby. The starting number is not important - as long as it doubles every 48 hours so yours are looking good!!!
Those betas sound great- doubling beautifully.
I feel that I would have trouble accepting actually being pregnant too, and the grief- I'm going to guess that is normal. Getting pregnant doesn't change what you have been through, or the loss of the child you envisioned. I think it's wonderful you are facing it now. It's a horrible, heart-breaking thing, but I know you and your husband will deal with it well. I hope you can move into acceptance and happiness soon.
Sending much love!
any feelings are GOOD ones right now, I am so happy for you and SO HOPEFUL!!!!! it's fantastic news, even with the heavy hearts, I think we who had to use ART to create life feel some of that....
Foxy, I have been away from the comp all weekend, but wanted to check in on you first thing in the morning! So happy to hear about the positive beta. I hope the numbers continue to rise nicely. I can understand the mix of emotions you are going through. Keep praying, I'll do so too :)
First, hooray! I am so excited for you!
I also second everyone else's thoughts about the beta. The doubling is more important than the number itself. You may have had a late implanter (and your first beta was early, my clinic didn't do ours til 14 days post-retrieval) but it is growing now :)
We used a donor also, and I totally agree that being pregnant makes me think about it in a whole new, deeper way. DH and I have been talking about it more-- I think previously, it was just a means to an end, but now that it's actually a part of our babies, it just takes on a different meaning. You are doing great in processing it.
Sending you lots of doubling vibes!
I can't imagine the mix of emotions you are both experiencing right now. It is completely normal, and will take time to resolve I'm sure.
The important part is that they're doubling nicely right now. Those certainly aren't the lowest #s I've seen, by any means. They seem normal to me!
I think this is an example of how us IF girls sometimes know TOO much...a normal fertile woudln't have these #s to worry over, you know?
Good luck with #4!
I am new to the IF scene but just sat at my desk and read every single one of your blogs. I am sending MANY good vibes your way and thinking of you as you deal with your conflicting emotions.
A very good friend of mine had extremely low doubling betas. As in way lower than yours. That low doubling beta is now an adorable 6-year-old boy. :)
Thinking of you and sending LOTS of positive vibes your way.
hang in there foxy!! your office does EARLY betas, so many ask for a 5th if it makes you feel better. i am 13dp3dt today and just had my first today - btw, i'm PREGGERS too!!!! my hcg was 314, which is a bit higher than my 12dp3dt was with my son (271). stay positive friend and ENJOY IT!!
Hi Foxy, my last comment got gobbled up by the interwebs, but I wanted to thank you for stopping by my blog and CONGRATULATE you on you doubling beta #s.
I also wanted to say that with my pregnancy I had trouble actually accepting the fact that I was indeed pregnant and everything might turn out OK...to the point that we were 7 months along and I had no crib....
I also wanted to comment on the feelings of loss. They are there, they are real, but in the end I doubt very much that they will play a big role in your life when you welcome your son/daughter into the world. I still wonder what my genetic children would be like, but honestly, I love the little boys that I am parenting now. I hope that you feel more settled soon and come to a place of peace and happiness :)
I can definitely understand the feelings you are having! It is so exciting, but at the same time you are still in the grieving process...it is so confusing. How can there be sadness when all we are programmed and told to feel right now is happiness. Then you feel guilty b/c it enters your mind. It is like a mobis loop.
It will always be there, but I promise it gets easier. It hit me hard that first ultrasound- but interestingly enough that is what started to calm my husband's mind (which is a feat in itself). He said as soon as he saw that heartbeat the anxiety/guilt/grief left. It was HIS baby...genetics be damned.
It is hard, I am not going to lie...but it DOES get easier. It is your husband getting what you and the baby crave, it is your husband planning names, it is your husband's hands that feel that first kick. It is your husband looking at the face of his child's grainy face on that ultrasound.
Yay that your betas are doubling! Woo hooo!!! I didn't get my beta until around 16 or 18 dpo...and it was 311. I wouldn't worry to much about the number but the fact that it is doubling!!!
If you don't pee on a stick soon I am goign to fly out there and MAKE YOU!!!!!! :)
Love you sweetie!!
PS, if your honey wants to talk to my husband- he has offered to talk to him about it...or email.
<3
Definitely take the test hun. It will make you feel better to see it for yourself. I'm sure the levels are fine so long as they keep going up so quickly.
We are both off to betas tomorrow. Here's to lots of good news to share.
Sending you tons of happy thoughts and good wishes.
I definitely recommend taking a POAS home test, esp. the digital one that says "pregnant". It feels very official.
Your numbers sound great to me. Whenever I have my levels checked they send me this chart that shows the wide range of numbers that are all within the normal zone. As long as they continue to rise it's a good sign.
Gestational Age Expected HCG
0-1 Week 5-50
1-2 Weeks 50-500
2-3 Weeks 100-5,000
3-4 Weeks 500-10,000
4-5 Weeks 1,000-50,000
5-6 Weeks 10,000-100,000
6-8 Weeks 15,000-200,000
2-3 Months 10,000-100,000
Feel free to call me if you would like to talk more!
Wow, a big congrats to you for being pregnant, how wonderful! I don't know anything about using a donor but I really hope it grows on you as time goes by.
Foxy, Congratulations.
Do not worry that your beta numbers are on the lower side...as long as they are doubling well, it is all good.
If your beta is above 5, you are considered pregnant.
Also, I understand your grief. And it is definitely healthy to let it out.
Take Care!
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