We decided to do a March IVF cycle.
There, I said it, on my blog. I really don't know why it was so hard to write that.
After our last negative IUI we were really disappointed. It really hit us harder than we expected. and so we talked, ML brought it up actually, that we skip ahead to ivf, or at least ask the dr about it. I called and they got in in for an appt the next day.
The plan had been to do 4 iui's before moving forward with ivf. But it turns out that we just can't bring ourselves to have any more negatives than necessary. We needed better odds.
We signed up (and paid 50%) of a two cycle package. Two ivf's plus any fets's. While I am relieved on soem level, I am totally freaked out on another level. This feels like such a HUGE step to be taking. I want it, but it just feels SO overwhelming. I am honestly having a hard time getting my head around it, and thus a hard time actually posting about it here.
I had my pre-ivf ultrasound last week, and totally fell apart at the office visit. ML wasn't able to come with me to the appt, and as I sat there, waiting for the dr, with a paper gown, waiting by myself, for what felt like forever, my mind got the best of me. By the time the dr came in I was in a state of near panic, and started crying as soon as the exam was over. The office staff responded heroically, but it was too late.
At our appt with the IVF nurse this week, the dr came out and informed ML that he was required to attend all future appointments. We have our calendar, the meds start on March 8th, and the ER will be sometime the week of March 17th... is this really for real?
So, yeah, thats what I've been NOT writing about. but I just did. because I am that strong. I can do this. I know I can.
(And due to this new plan I won't be making it to Vegas for the awesome infertile weekend. But I would love, more now than ever, a Central/Northern California meet-up sometime in February. Anyone interested?)
48 comments :
Congrats on moving forward!!!
Wow, that is big news! Congratulations on taking the next step forward. You ARE that strong. And you CAN do this.
Personally I think you have made a wise decision. I do regret spending so much time on my 5 IUI's.
You are strong and you will get through this next step and I have everything crossed for success!
i know it seems unreal and scary, but many of us are here to tell you that ivf is totally survivable. it feels overwhelming now, but it will become your "new normal." you can do it, foxy! you've got a great support system, and we'll be here to cheerlead and give you assvice along the way. congrats on moving forward!
Yeah, you can. Yeah, you are that strong.
Thank you for sharing this with us -- and congratulations on the New Plan. We will be cheering for you!
Your strength is an inspiration. Here we go in March!
Wow, that's very exciting! I think I would have made the same decision. I'm interested in a Feb. Central/Northern CA get together, if you can deal with someone 8 mo. pg.
Best of luck for March! I hope it'll be a month of great things!
This is awesome! I can't imagine how you must feel as you try to prepare for this... But its wonderful that your chances are going to jump way, way up with this! Yay for better odds!
It is overwhelming but you can do it. I'm sure you can. I'm saying this to both of us, because we are in the same boat, except from the IUI's you have gone through, sorry about the negatives. Take care!
you know, when i read about the last bfn, i had an inkling that you may be heading in this direction sooner than later. it is a hard thing to come to terms with, the jump from semi intervention to full blown ivf. i was so worried/sad/confused/upset and i already knew that it was likely my only option. once i came to terms though, i really love that we have it as an option. i hope you find some relief soon from the early nerves and panic.
i have been through it way too much. please don't hesitate to reach out to me if you have any questions or worries, even if you think they are silly. i still have silly questions even 4 times in! (cycling now, not telling family so not blogging it)
*hugs* i think this will be it.
xoxo
lis
GL with your IVF! I'm sure time will fly :)
Thanks so much for your comment! We may be at this road soon as well. Wishing you the best of luck.
WOW! That is a big change of plans. No wonder you felt overwhelmed! And YES, you are strong. You are very strong and you will adapt well to this new plan and the IVF schedule. I'm glad you went with what felt like the best decision for you and your husband, and that your team was supportive. I feel like your someday baby is just about to be created. I'm very hopeful for you, Foxy. Brimming with hope.
Congrats on the new plan - it is an overwhelming decision and position to be in, so I think the way you are feeling is totally normal - especially since it is all so new. I truly hope that it is successful for you in March! I will be right behind you with IVF set for April. Good luck!
It took me a while to be mentally and emotionally ready to move onto IVF too. I just had to give it some time and get my head wrapped around it (my DH took his own bit of time, too).
Congratulations on moving forward! Good luck!
~ICLW
I can completely understand why you feel so out of sorts. Despite knowing that IVF may well be somewhere along the line, when it actually happens it can still be a shock! Just look at my reaction in my 5 October 2010 post and you will see what I mean (Cant post a link in a comment!). I was beating myself up for being so naive about it all!
Take it all one day at a time. IVF is not hard, its our minds and the constant worrying, stressing etc that we do along the way that makes it tricky.
My top tip while you are doing a cycle: you are the most important person in the world - nothing else and no one else matters during those 6 or so weeks.
Good luck, we are all behind you. Claire xx
What a big decision! You can totally to do it and we will totally be behind you. I am sad the other two IUI's didn't work and you had to make this big leap. I am totally here for you if you need to talk.
I totally know what you mean. I broke down watching college football with my husband and brother-in-law over Christmas because I was so nervous and didn't want to be infertile enough for IVF and got super stressed out about it. It was really hard to decide to take this step. But, we are strong!
I really hope that it works out well for you!
After 2 failed IUIs, we too moved on to IVF. fertility treatments were already consuming our life, so we figured why not go for the treatment w/the best odds?
I think all of us have had a breakdown episode at the RE's office, don't let that moment make you feel weak or like you can't handle this. YOU CAN!
Congrats on saying it and scheduling it.
Best of luck, can't wait to hear how it turns out.
IVF *is* huge. But then again, so was the decision to have a child in the first place, then getting diagnosed, then the daily battles with infertility, the emotional toll...
Sometimes huge desires and huge issues need equally large solutions. I'm so grateful for the opportunity to do IVF. I hope you have success!!
Dropping by via ICLW.....so happy to read you're actually able to admit your upcoming IVF cycle out loud. It means you are gearing up to prepare your mind and making it more real! Yay! Much luck to you. :-)
ICLW #67
Congrats on moving forward and good luck!!
You can totally do this! And with the package - that's an awesome plan. Yes, it's scary. Yes, it's a big step. But you wouldn't have made the decision if you weren't ready, meaning...you are. And the days that you aren't sure, you ask one of us how to get through that day, that next injection, the wait. Okay? Because that is WHY we are here. HUGS.
We are in the exact same place you are-- after two negative IUIs, we were totally gutted. Decided to up our odds by moving on to IVF earlier than we had thought we would. I will start stimming in early Feb.
I will be thinking about you as you prepare for your cycle! It's exciting but nerve wracking all at once. Have you thought about seeing a counselor? I am working with one who was trained in mind/body fertility counseling by Alice Domar (Boston IVF). She's helping me learn to meditate, put up boundaries so other stresses are minimized while we're in the IVF cycle, and just take care of myself. Has made a world of difference in my anxiety levels.
Good luck Foxy! The docs and your husband will take good care of you. It's well worth it. I wish I would have just gone right to IVF from the start myself!
Good luck with the IVF! I think its a good reason to skip Vegas. :)
ICLW #192
I wish we would've switched to IVF sooner, too. Hang in there, you are strong enough, you CAN do this. YOU CAN!!
Good luck! I think it is smart to move to IVF soon if you want to go that route. We don't want to do IVF, but my RE said that IUI doesn't really improve your chances all that much so it is a better financial decision to go to IVF quickly.
Before I went started IF treatments, I was talking to a friend about my plans and what I would and would not be willing to do. (This friend is a former IF patient who now has three beautiful children.) She listened and then said, "It sounds reasonable. But remember, it's ok to change your plans. You have no idea how things are going to go, or how you're going to feel after a couple IUIs. So be prepared to be flexible with your plans."
Best advice ever! I'm so glad you've decided to move on to IVF now. You'll never regret it.
ICLW #42
Sometimes bitting the bullet is a good thing, all the best for march. PS march will be a great month, i am doing my FET and transfer should be about the same time as you yayay bring on some xmas pressies for us :)
You can do this! I can't wait to read along!
Foxy, congratulations on moving forward with IVF!!! I'm so excited for you. Can I ask where you will be cycling? I know you are are Northern CA so I'm hoping you are cycling with Dr. Zouves in Foster City. He is amazing, got me pregnant on my first cycle, and I can't sing his praises enough!
I went through 6 long months of failed IUIs, BFN after BFN and doing IVF was the best thing we ever did for ourselves...maybe it was just switching RE's that did it but something had to give.
I think we actually used to email a little bit back in the day when you were on fertilitycommunity.com. My username there is Nelly1. I'd love to chat more if you're interested...
Good luck and I'll be rooting for you!!
That IS huge news, and it must be difficult. I haven't gotten to IVF but half of me has no doubt we will ned it at some point. I am not an IVFer yet, and I am fairly new to the IF world, but I am in San Jose. If you ever need to scream and are around there, you let me know. I'll scream with you. I have some plates we can brake and some home made ice cream we can eat. Otherwise, I hope your plan works perfectly.
Happy ICLW from a first timer!
Yes, you can do this! So much emotion goes with all of this stuff and you're allowed to have a break down or two or three. Hang tough!
I have an award for you on my blog. :)
You have an award to pick up at my blog. Hope you are doing alright.
march 8th is my hubby's birthday, a very very lucky day indeed. I am excited for you, I feel CHANGE coming.
HUGS
It's a huge step, but one you can handle I'm sure! Biggest lesson learned, never write anything in stone in your calendar - the IVF cycle can go in so many different directions. Not saying you should book your flight to Vegas, but just be prepared for the calendar they gave you to end up looking very different. In the meantime enjoy the time leading up to IVF as much as possible!!
Here from ICLW. I wish you the best with your IVF cycle. It's a big step, but it was well worth all the heartache. We did 3 back to back IUIs before throwing in the towel and moving on the IVF. I had to do 2 IVFs and 2 FETs before I got my miracle, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. Wishing you nothing but the best for your upcoming cycle. You can do it, you're strong enough!
What an exciting step! So excited for you! And you are totally superwoman strong! :) If I were in Cali I would be definitely up for a meet-up...
OMG I'm so excited for you. I think you're doing the right thing, honestly I do. You have been so well prepared and detail oriented with your IUIs, there is no reason you should have to keep getting negatives. I think you will be a rock star at IVF and knock it out of the park! So this is a 2 cycle plus plan? I think that is so smart, puts perhaps less stress on you. I have been thinking of you the last month and just decided to sign in and see how you were doing. I'm so glad I did, this totally makes my day :)
Happy ICLW! Congrats for taking this big step. Wishing you lots and lots of luck!!!
Also, I gave you an award on my blog.
Hey Foxy -
I'm always cheering for you no matter where you are on your journey. You're such a champion for infertiles everywhere. I'm here anytime with a shoulder to lean or a hand to hold as you work your way through this process. I wish you all the best!
Big hugs,
Lily
Hi there, I just joined as a follower to follow your journey
I am wishing you nothing but the bet! :o)
P.S. I left you an award on my blog!
Good luck! It was scary for me moving to IVF, too, but I think you're so wise to move on to something that's going to give you a better chance at success. Those failed cycles are so hard!!
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