Dearest Bestie

Dearest Bestie,

Congratulations. From the depths of my soul I am so excited about your big announcement. It is the most wonderful news that a family could want, and I feel overwhelmed with love for you and the new life that is growing inside of you. 

Little One is the most precious little girl. I love being her auntie and watching her grow and giggling with her, too. I love watching you be her mother and seeing how beautifully you attend to her needs. She is going to be a wonderful big sister.

This was always your plan. You always knew that you’d have two, and that they’d be about two years apart. I knew that this announcement was imminent. I even had a dream last week that you were pregnant. 

I knew that it wasn’t fair when I told you (and my sister) that you couldn’t get pregnant before me. I knew it wasn’t fair, but I said it because it was how I felt. Nothing about it was fair, that I put such an unfair condition on you, or that I felt desperate enough to start my own family that I would ever say something so unfair to you. I am so sorry for the anguish that statement caused you. It just wasn’t fair. 

My heart broke as you delivered such wonderful news to me with such sadness. Your compassion for me has been incredible, and yet I hate that my struggle negatively overshadows what should wonderful moments in our lives.

To be honest, I didn’t know how I would feel when I got this news. These past few years I’ve been betrayed by my reactions and caught unprepared to deal with unexpected responses to normal wonderful things, like christmas cards for example. My reactions have not been fair or predictable, and have taken me captive on too many occasions. 

When I said that you couldn’t get pregnant again until after I got pregnant, I really meant it. I want so much to be pregnant and start our family, and it is hard to see that other people can have this thing that I want so much with seemingly little effort. And yet, at the same time, there is no way that I could say something like that and really mean it. I want you to have everything you want. And just as I know that you would do anything to help make my dreams come true, I would do the same for you. 

I want you to know that I am full of nothing but joy for you right now. I love you and cherish our friendship. I really am overjoyed that you will be having another beautiful little one (or two, hehe.) 

With a little luck I won’t be far behind you, ideally if this cycle works it’ll only be 5 weeks or so. And even if this cycle is a bust and we continue on our journey, I have faith for the first time since we started trying that eventually, one way or another, our children will someday play together. Until then I am so blessed to call you my Bestie. 

I love you, and Congratulations!

6dpo

I am 6 days post ovulation. Feeling very positive, not quite as positive as I was in my last 2ww, but still happy as a clam thinking that I could possibly be pregnant right now :)

As far as symptoms go, I attribute them all to progesterone and estrogen that I am taking. I've had a couple hot flashes that wake me up in the middle of the night. Just today I started getting that pre-nausea feeling. I was so tired this afternoon that I snuck away from the family and took a little nap-which was SO nice. My boobies are not sore, but they are feeling a little bit achy, in a hard to describe kind of way.  I must be fighting a cold too because I had a tickle in my throat yesterday and a full blown sore throat all day today. Bleghhh.

We are visiting ML's sister and her family for the holidays. She has a two year old little girl and a four year old little boy. They have SO MUCH energy! Christmas morning was so much fun, and I especially loved watching the kids play with the presents that I made for them. I'll have to post some pictures because I am so proud of these gifts I made.

I haven't had much to say, or much time to write this past week. I have been reading blogs though, and found a few new ones that I've been reading thru.
-The Life of Ashley - Ashley is on the new season of 16 and pregnant. She made the choice to adopt her daughter to her aunt and uncle. It was an episode that captivated me, just as Tyler and Caitlyn's did last season. She documented her journey on her blog, and I am finding it to be an insightful and interesting read.
-Amy just announced her new blog on the Resolve forum. I hope that she find the same kind of support that I have from this blog community. If you have a minute stop by and welcome her. She and I are both in our 2ww of our second IUI's.

 Merry Christmas! I hope that you all had a nice day with family and friends.

Rain and sleet make me happy!

Things are going pretty well here in my Foxy world. :)


ML and I spent the nicest weekend in the mountains with Bestie and her family. Her family is awesome. Crazy but awesome. Her parents were like second parents to me growing up, and her sister might as well be my sister.


It was raining on Saturday, and I grew out of rain skiing a few years back, so ML and I stayed at the lodge and watched Little One. (Well, I watched Little One while ML worked via the wi-fi connection.) She is walking now and much more vocal about her desires - to look at this, go here, go there, touch that, watch this, etc. We giggled a lot and finally she got tired and fell asleep in my arms. My heart just melts around that adorable little girl.


We were expecting a big storm on Sunday with lots of powder. Alas, we woke up to find that it was still too warm out and instead of powder we had a windy mess of rain and sleet. It was some nasty weather. So instead we stayed at the cabin, warm and dry. It was a wonderfully perfect day with wonderfully perfect people.


Bestie's sister is a graphic designer. Mostly she designs high-end wedding albums, but she is also one of the most creative gals I know. She gave me a mini lesson in digital design and digital scrapbooking. How cool is digital scrapbooking!!! I am inspired to give it a try, learn the basics of photoshop, and make  something awesome. I downloaded a few of the free digital kits from Shabby Princess to practice with last night. So much fun!


I'd love any ideas or suggestions about good sources of online tutorials and (free?) digital kits. Maybe I will design a Christmas/New Years Card after all :)


*****
UPDATE on Cycle #3...
I had my day 10 ultrasound yesterday. Two big follies were ready to go. I got my trigger shot and an appointment to return today and tomorrow for the iui's. The Doc noticed that my lining was not as thick as it should be so he prescribed me some estrogen (Vagifem) to thicken it up a little. I am still listening to my Circle Bloom audios and trusting that my body is doing everything that it needs to be doing.


Love to all!

Surprise Sunshine

To my surprise I started my cycle a whole week early last Saturday. I’ve never had such a short (21 day) cycle! I’d been having PMS-like cramps and sore boobies, but figured that my symptoms must be related to the cysts. I should have trusted that I know my body better than that.

Our November iui cycle was canceled due to cysts that were leftover from my first iui cycle. The holiday calendar meant that we would also have to cancel my December cycle. I was so sad. But I came to accept that this wait was a part of our story, and just as I embraced our chance to move forward with a cycle, I needed to embrace this wait as well. We made our holiday travel plans without regard to my cycle. I made plans with friends and family, without regards to my cycle day. I joyfully planned for a no-holds-bar NYE festivity. It was nice.

But then, low and behold, my cycle started a week early. I checked the calendar and it seemed like the timing just might work for a cycle this month. At first I questioned myself, wondering if I was pushing to hard, wanting this too much. A very rational conversation with Bestie reassured me that it was not unreasonable to think that I could pull off a cycle this month. ML was on board, and my RE was able to get me in for a day 3 baseline ultrasound on Monday. I knew that there was still a chance that I’d be sidelined by the cysts, but figured it was worth a shot.

ML and I floated out of the RE appt yesterday after getting the green light to cycle this month. The cysts are gone! We agreed to decrease the clomid from 100mg to 50mg since I responded so well last time. I got my prescriptions filled and we are ready to rock and roll!

We’ll be pushing up against Christmas for the actual IUI’s, but I was ready to trigger on day 10 last time, and I already have one follicle that should be ready to go before too long. This also means no drinking with the in-laws over Christmas, and sober NYE festivities, which I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to. 

BUT IT IS ALL WORTH IT BECAUSE

I GET TO CYCLE THIS MONTH!!!