unloading a few fears

5 dpo. Still feeling pretty positive. Definitely feel like there is magic happening in there. I feel all sorts of little abdomen twinges, and a pretty constant pressure right above my public bone. I slept better last night but had so many vividly bizarre dreams. My stomach is usually pretty sensitive to stress and medication, and I am definitely noticing that, er, um, issue.


Circle Bloom is awesome, and I even downloaded some additional audio meditations from itunes. I'm not so good at staying focused on the meditation, but it is a really nice chance to take a time out and focus on me. I take comfort in knowing that there is no wrong way to meditate, because I am sure that my practice falls outside of the expectation. What matters I suppose is that I really like it. I will most definitely continue meditations throughout pregnancy.


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ML thinks that there are three little eggs nestling in for the long haul. Bestie joked last night that there are four. I will be over the moon to learn that we have any little ones growing in there.


But I do have some fears about high order multiples. I am going to unload them here, and then let them go.


I read a bunch of Quadruplet blogs last night. Holy Moly! Love exploded from the pages, but my god, I realized that so many other things that I dream of for my children would change pretty drastically. Breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby wearing, etc...

I want this.

We did sign a statement saying that we would pursue reduction is we conceive high order multiples. It is an easy thing to say, but imagine that it would likely be the most difficult decision to actually follow thru with. I am scared to think that we might have to make that choice. (and I can't find any blogs that talk about that issue... have you?)


ML and I agree (as of right now) that three is the magic number. We fear that carrying more than that would put everyone at risk. But like I said, I just can't predict my reaction to the reality of making that kind of choice.


I am envisioning that our little Someday twins are in there, happy as can be, feeling the love that is coming to them from everyone around me.


I read that 84% of pregnancies implanted on days 8-10 after ovulation, so those little embryos are still cruising down the tubes and scoping my uterus for a good spot to call home for a while. 

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I hung out with Bestie and Little One last night while ML worked late. LO is so freakin adorable. She just started walking, just a few steps at a time. It is so awesome to watch her. She has her first word, "up", totally mastered and was playing little games with me - I'd say "up" and she'd stand up, then I'd say "down" and she would crouch down. So smart she is! We giggled so much. I love that she giggles with me. She is fascinated with my pony tail and giggles every time I move my head. Bestie is ready to start working on #2. It would be so freakin  awesome if we could experience this pregnancy together. (fingers crossed)


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It's too early for real PG symptoms, but I am convinced that the progesterone is playing with my head. I got pulled over for a paperwork issue with my car registration yesterday and totally ended up yelling at the cop. Not cool.  I felt so bad afterwards, and kind of want to apologize to him. He stayed so nice and professional, and even told me thank you. poor guy. I had a similar experience of feeling like I was going to lose my head at a meeting on Tuesday.


I'm off for a spa day and massage with my mom on Friday at one of the most beautiful and serene places in this Country. I'll try to snap a few pictures to share with you all. Oh my gosh, that is TOMORROW! Can you see me smiling!!!