Friday the 13th

I called in sick to work today. Thinking about leaving the house was just too much. I feel depleted.

Grandma update
Taking care of my grandma was fine, but really heavy stuff. I stayed with her in her hospital room on Wednesday night. All things considered we got a lot of sleep, in between the staff who came into the room every couple hours to check on here. There was one nurse who came in around midnight, turned the light on, and loudly announced that she as there to check vital signs. I jumped up and asked if grandma needed to be awake for the exam. Grandma had been asleep for a couple hours and I know that sleep is important for healing. I got the light turned off and quietly asked the lady to let grandma keep sleeping.

At one point in the middle of the night I heard some rustling and caught grandma as she was trying to get out of bed, on her own, to go potty. I got to her right away and was able to call for a couple additional nurses to help her. Had I not been there, she would have fallen out of her bed.

The next day was busy, with an almost constant stream of nurses and doctors and therapists coming and going. My aunt arrived from out of town just in time for the transfer to a rehabilitation center. I'd planned to go to work for the afternoon, but I was exhausted and didn't have a car anyways. So I stayed with my grandma while my aunt did some errands back to the house. I think that grandma will be in very good hands at the rehab facility. She is already making so much daily progress, and really wants to get home and be independent again.

They expect that she will be at this facility for two weeks before she can go home, at which point she will need a lot of help. I need to talk to my aunt, but assume that family will take on a large part of that responsibility.

Car(s) Update
Around five my mom came to help me get my car situation figured out. (ML was still waiting for our other car to get out of the shop.) We picked up the keys, got some water to fill the radiator (assuming it had just overheated), and called the tow truck. We waited for over TWO hours for a tow truck to arrive. The automated service had quoted us a 45 minute wait, and we'd received two automated follow up calls telling us that service was arriving any minute. Finally the tow driver called me directly and was so rude. He demanded to know why I needed a jumpstart on the highway. When I explained everything and stated that I might also need a tow, he got all upset with me. Excuse me. Finally we waved down a different tow truck, and within a minute our tow truck arrived. The guy really was a jerk. The car ended up getting towed after some arguments about what service our plan covered. I was ready to cry.

My mom and I hopped into her car to follow the tow truck, and as luck would have it, her car battery had died. The tow truck was gone and we were once again stranded. Mom called a friend who came and gave us a jump, and finally dropped me off with ML (at his work.) I felt like I was going to lose it, but he packed me up and we headed home just before eight. Our 'reliable' care was back in working order, with the 'old' van having replaced it at the shop.

The shop was able to fix up the van with new brakes, which apparently it really needed, a new battery, and new radiator fluid with a leaky hose fixed. We've spent way too much money to keep our lame old cars running this month and are wondering if we should just sell them and get newer cars. We've only ever driven or bought used cars, without ever having a car loan. We thought that we were saving money with this strategy, but right now we aren't sure if it might be cheaper to drive new cars that are reliable and don't require so much maintenance. We just bought ourselves a few more months with the ones we have, but we need to figure out a plan of action for the next time the cars quit working.

SA Update
It is what it is. Rather than being an acute emotional response, I think that it has just taken some wind out of my sail. My emotional reserves are a little depleted, which might make the rest of life's challenges this week a little harder to deal with.

Our plan is to continue for another two months with the FSH hormone injections for ML. We'll probably have another SA the first week of October, followed by another FNA mapping biopsy that same week. I'll probably want to check in with our RE sometime next month so that I can be ready for whatever comes next. If the SA or FNA show sperm, we'll need to continue the FSH injections and get me ready for IVF asap. If there is no sperm, then I think I'll want to try for diui with my next cycle. Either way that sets us up to cycle, for our first real attempt at pregnancy, this fall, in late October or November. I feel like there is a lot more to say about that, but I don't have the words just yet.

In other news
I was honored this week to be asked to formally endorse a school bond measure for the November ballot. My name will be listed, with four other very prominent community members on the ballot statement. I've volunteered for years on some district committees, hoping that our local schools will improve before I ever need to send my kids. I said that if my name is being used, I need to be involved on the campaign steering committee, which is one more thing to feel overwhelmed about, but should end up being very rewarding.

The house is a mess. I feel like I should have cleaned it while I was home all day. The puppy is shedding a lot and there are fur balls everywhere. The kitchen is a mess, the bed needs new sheets, the laundry is all piled up. I just don't want to think about it.

ML is working on a political campaign. The big election is next week, so he is in crunch mode working LONG hours between now and then, including this weekend, leaving me solo to keep the household in working order. After this gig ends, he will be back to being unemployed. I am feeling a little nervous about that. He is so smart and talented and could do just about anything he wants. There is and will continue to be very little work in the field he studied so hard to become licensed in. Until things change, I think it is time to look at a back-up career.

A few Shout-Outs
I want to send a big hug over to The Queen at My Bumpy Journey for her shout-out. I love her blog and lover her attitude and am hoping that we will get to cycle together this fall. The awesome giggly girl Alison at The Privileged Infertile redesigned the Queen's header and has new plans in the works for IVF this fall! Keep your fingers crossed for Dory at Just Keep Swimming who had a successful ER and TESE. Her emotional story takes me back to the day ML had his biopsy. I'm also holding Kakunaa at Spermination Station in my thoughts as well as she nears the end of her 2ww.

*****
Writing all of my worries out seems to make them feel a little more manageable. I still think that I need some time to recoup and regroup. I have the weekend to take it easy.