Foxy's Favorite Posts Shout-Out #2

Happy 4th of July!

I was in a training from 9am-9pm all last week with two dozen community leaders learning conflict resolution and mediation skills. It was amazing. I have such high expectations for what can be possible if all of these different (and often competing agencies) worked together to solve the problems of violence and poverty and disenfranchisement that exist in our community. As we wrapped things up on Friday someone commented that we should really be celebrating today as Interdependence Day. Our County thrives as a result of our interdependence on on one another, and we could achieve so much more if we re-framed our story as one of connection and community and interdependence. A little food for thought on this beautiful summer day.

Welcome to the second edition of Foxy's Favorite Posts Shout-Out!

Circus Princess at Circus Children wrote a painfully honest post few weeks ago about the impossible choices that infertility can force upon us. I had to read it over and over again, because it put into words one of the deepest fears that I had when we started this journey. Having a family was the only thing I've ever expected out of life and I can't imagine, simply can't fathom, a life without kids, yet I value my relationship with my husband more than anything and can't imagine, simply can't fathom, my life without him by my side. When it became clear that our family creation options were narrowing I kept saying that living child-free was a choice that we needed to talk about - it needed to be on the table with ds and adoption. My lover kept saying that it was a choice he could reasonably consider, but that it was one he knew I would never accept, therefore it wasn't worth talking about. In so many ways he knows me better than I know myself. It gets complicated because he fears I would leave him if we decide to live child-free, and I fear he would leave me if we chose to have a non-genetic family.  I believe without a doubt that I would chose my husband over anything, and I know that he would chose me. But the reality of the choices facing us are not so black and white. 

One of the first blogs that I read was Jenny's at Among the Blossoms. Her site is so pretty and welcoming, and she has such a positive uplifted attitude. She recently opened an Etsy Store to sell her beautiful beaded fertility bracelets and is hosting a grand opening giveaway. Check out her beautiful jewelry and join the giveaway fun.

I can't stop thinking about my blogger friend Julie at Once More, With Feeling. She is PREGNANT! and I am so happy for her. Her story is similar to ours and I feel a strong sense of camaraderie. She is a beautiful writer and her posts are so easy to connect with. Her amazing dh Jeff also started his own blog, Don't Try this at Home, which makes me laugh every time I read it. I wish that Julie and Jeff lived in my town and that we could be friends. The thing is that Julie's beta is on the lower range of normal, and she is understandably anxious about what happens next. One of the first things I grieved when we found out that pregnancy would not come easily for us was the dream of a 'normal' pregnancy. The surprise of a late period and anticipation of a positive hpt. The unexpected call to my bff to share the news and the burst of joy that fills the room when I tell my mom. It will be different for us. There will be a caution, a hesitation, a protection of our hearts, a delayed joy. Julie comes across to me as being so positive and full of hope, yet she is unable to bask in the glow of this wonderful news that a perfect new life is growing in her belly. The fear of loss is overwelming. A part of me knows that I will react to my own pg with fear and anxiety, and that it is safe to feel so positive and hopeful for someone else. I wish that there was a magic wand that would free us all to experience all the love and joy and happiness of pregnancy regardless of what the future holds. 

I was reminded of this poem while we were in Vegas last weekend. It seems appropriate to share it here, with you, and as a reminder to myself. 

God grant me the serenity to:

Accept the things I cannot change

Courage to change the things I can, and

Wisdom to know the difference
Patience for the things that take time
Appreciation for all that we have, and
Tolerance for those with different struggles
Freedom to live beyond the limitations of our past, the
Ability to feel love, and to love each other, and the 
Strength to keep trying even when we feel hopeless

Wishing you all a joyful and safe Interdependence Day!