Resolve Meeting - It was Awesome

I did it. Finally. I went to my first RESOLVE meeting last Sunday. It was wonderful. WONDERFUL.

My mom and I were going to be near the City to visit my grandpa for Fathers Day. She'd offered to go with me to a RESOLVE meeting in the past, and so I asked if she would be willing to go with me. We had a nice drive up in the morning. On the drive she asked how I was doing and how the hormone therapy was going for ML (my lover). I told her, again, the timeline and options that await us in the Fall. I adore my mom and she is more supportive than I could have ever asked for... but, it feels like I have to repeat myself and tell her again and again the 'plan' and the 'options'. In reality its probably only been a few times, and I know it is a lot to expect that she be able to remember all the details after hearing them once, but still... I just wish that she 'knew', without me having to say anything at all.

We had a nice afternoon with my grandpa. My cousins also came to surprise him. I have two teenage girl cousins who are just begging for trouble. Last time they came to visit me for a few nights I had to have the birds and bees talk with them, complete with a trip to planned parenthood so they could get the shot. Oh My god I would just die if one of them got pregnant. Cousin #1 confessed that she tried pot for the first time the week prior. I made her pinkie swear that she wouldn't do it again until she came back to visit me again.

Moving on to the best part of the day. My mom and I arrived at the RESOLVE meeting. It was held at a facility that provided advocacy and information about women's health issues. We were the first to arrive. The leader welcomed us and showed us to the circle configuration of cozy chairs and a couch. She was really pretty and nice. There was a coffee table with Resolve materials laid out. My mom picked up one of everything and chose a comfy chair seat. I took a portion of the couch across the circle near the leader. We made some small talk and waited for the other ladies to arrive. She mentioned that some of the other male factor couples would not be attending that evening, but that there were a few women considering donor eggs.

I honestly can't recall the order in which people arrived or exactly how the conversation came together. I was really nervous, but I could tell that a few of the other women were too. There were 8 of us in total at the meeting, including me and my mom. The leader made some introductory comments, read a poem (or maybe it was a segment from a book), then suggested that we go around the circle to share. I was the first one to share. It was great, but in all honesty overwhelming at the same time. I shared, then the other women shared. Seeing them nod and tear up as I spoke was... so... validating, reassuring, comforting... they 'knew' what i was saying, in that way that I didn't need to give the background, they just knew. They were right there with me. And then they spoke, and I nodded and teared up. I just don't have words for the experience. I felt like, like I didn't want to leave, like I wanted to sit with these girls for hours, and talk, and listen, and nod, and cry.

We did stay for a little bit after the meeting, a few of us. Two other women are using the RE that I had my initial work-up with. They love him and the clinic, which was nice to hear.

It was a big deal for all of us to be there, it was obvious by the wringing of hands and cautious smiles. My anxiety level was high for the entire meeting, but I felt like I just might have found a place that could be considered 'safe' to let down my guard. I have to say that again, I just might have found a group of women and a place where it is safe to let down my guard. Can you hear my exhale as I write that?

I can't wait to go back again. It is a four hour round trip drive on a Sunday night, but I can't wait.  the next meeting falls on the fourth of july holiday so it is being canceled and the next meeting won't be for a month. I will be there.

(Don't get me wrong, you gals RAWK my world, but until I can sit in a room with you for a few hours, the RESOLVE group is going to have to fill that void!)

* * * VEGAS SPA RECOMMENDATIONS?
I'll be in vegas this weekend, visiting family. I would LOVE to spend some time at a Spa, one where I can spend a portion of the day wearing a robe and slippers, order a drink, sit by a pool, soak in a sauna, and get a massage or some other decadent treatment.  Please let me know if you have any suggestions! Or if you live near Vegas and might want to meet up with me at the Spa :)