A girlfriend emailed me today to make plans for a girls weekend this summer. She doesn’t know about our challenges with infertility. She proposed a date in August. First thing I had to think about was where we might be in our treatment. Can I make plans for August? What if I need to stay close to home for treatment that weekend? How will I explain if I need to cancel the trip? Maybe I just shouldn’t make plans at all.
Time-Out. My plans have been on hold for so long. Trying to plan my life around the possibility that we might be moving forward with IVF on a certain date is making it impossible to live my life. I wrote back and told her that I would LOVE to plan a girls weekend and the date she proposed would be perfect.
There is a scenario in which I’ll have to cancel because of treatment, but the chances are so small. Even though I just know that we have more bad news waiting for us when we get our next SA at the end of July, I want to believe that they will find sperm and we will start IVF with my cycle that month, which would mean I couldn’t go away. Small chances, so tiny, not even worth mentioning. Its amazing how a glimmer of a chance can be enough to control my life. I sure don’t plan my summer around the chance that I could catch the flu, get laid off, break my leg, win the lottery, etc. Crazy. When I think about it like that, I feel a little bit crazy!
2 comments :
OMG- I totally get this TOO!!! My mother and I have been trying to plan a trip to England- and I keep putting it off! First it was the swine flu outbreak- and I didn't want to travel then b/c I "might be pregnant". Then it was over the summer and I thought I "Might be pregnant" then.
If I only knew. I could have been there and back about 10 times. Sigh.
I say go ahead and make plans- you have to have a good time, and still be YOU. If anything you can talk to your RE and he could put you on suppressive therapy to take while you are gone- don't you have to be on BCPs for a little while before a cycle anyways.
Heck if I know b/c we have never got that far... LOL!!! I get all my education from blogs. HA!
Thanks for your comment! It is good to know that I am in good company with all these thoughts! I talked to my bff, who knows all, about it today and she reassured me that the girls would be thrilled if I had to cancel for treatment. Just sharing the thought here with someone who understands somehow makes it seem easier to talk about in real life. Thanks!
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