At first it was so hard to focus on anything other than the loss of a dream. Being a mother was the only thing that I have ever expected out of life. I've never known what I wanted to be when I grow up, I didn't have a vision of the man I would share my life with or the kind of wedding we would have or the house we would live in, or anything like that. I just knew that I would someday be a mother. Lucky for me my life has turned better than I could have ever dreamt it could possibly be. Somehow I met and married the most amazing man who I adore and respect and absolutely love sharing my life with. We have a beautiful home and the sweetest dog. I have a job that is both challenging and so rewarding. I look at my life and am overwhelmed with gratitude.
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Since I've known my husband, my dream of someday being a mother has only grown stronger, seeing little glimpses of the amazing father that he would be someday. My dream expanded to being a parent, with him, of us together raising our family. Seeing him years ago with our new puppy, so lovingly anticipating and meeting the unmet needs of this helpless little animal. The first night we had the puppy, back when we thought it would sleep in its crate, climbing into bed, hearing the puppy cry, and watching him so quickly get up and bring the little animal into our bed where it would be safe and warm. As my love for him has grown over the years, my desire to share with him the experiences of parenting have only grown stronger. I see everyday the way that his strengths compliment mine and just know that we would be such a great team as parents.
Clearly we've encountered some speed bumps on this journey to parenthood. But I have a renewed faith that we will someday get there. In large part thanks to this community. Thanks to being able to see that there are so many who have been here before us and successfully moved on to make choices that I once considered impossible to make.
4 comments :
It's a rough road, isn't it?
I have to admit, I laughed out loud at your elephant post when you said it was like people comparing their cat to your elephant. I have thought that a million times, just never had such a great way of expressing it.
Best of Luck to you!
You will get there girl. It is a bumpy road, but thankfully we have all our friends as cushions to help make it not hurt!!!
I know exactly what you mean by knowing you wanted to be a mother. I remember when I was about 8 or 9 walking around with towels stuffed under my shirt and shorts pretending I had a pregnant belly. I knew I wanted that. I didn't dream of a fancy wedding etc. etc. I just wanted to be a mom.
It is hard, but we will make somehow. Sometime. It will be all the more sweeter.
I agree that these blogs are a lifesaver. People are going through so much here, and it helps to be a part of a community of supportive ladies... even though we're all desperately trying to claw our way out of here!!! :)
Stopping by from LFCA, my husband & I also dealt with MFI. You're right it's something none of us ever expect to encounter in life & definitely throws us for a curve. You're a beautiful writer, I really enjoyed reading through your posts & wish you all the best in your journey. The IF bloggers are such an amazing support system, they carry you when you feel you're at your lowest, I hope that you feel the support & love of this group of fantastic people:)
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